So this is a Spenserian Sonnet...or at least me attempting to write one. It's actually rather horrible and I don't think I have the rhythm quite right...Can anyone tell me what I'm not doing right?
So many people think I am insane
If I really am, then that you can say
Now let me tell you, childbirth is a pain
WIth eight kids, no one thinks I am okay
My husband works til the end of the day
But he loves me and his children a lot
And then unto me, my husband did say
Look at these diamonds, for you I have bought
We have ten horses and five dogs as well
We go to Broadway once every year
"I do love my life" to all I do tell
But then suddenly I am filled with fear
My lovely life glimmers with such a gleam
And I cry for it was all just a dream
I dig your concept hun. I think the reason why you think the rhythm is off is because in sonnets it all seems like one running thought (at least thats what I think). There's lots of commas and it's all about punctuation. Where a certain word falls can determine the flow of the piece. The first and second stanzas has a nice solid rhythm. The third stanza didn't seem to flow well for two reasons. I feel like the stanza isn't necessary or relevant to the concept. Why ten horses and five dogs? Also the use of "as" in the first line and "to all I do tell" in the third kind of muddy the message. Maybe it was just me but I feel like the tweaking needs to be done in the third stanza. I love the ending though <3 That was a cool way to end it with her saying that. STAY GOLDEN.
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