Her Pearl-White Teeth (2nd draft)

This was a writing excercise from way back, I read the comments and decided to try to make it better. Tell me how you like it and if the story makes sence.



Carla was terrified as she crouched down in a little corner of the shed. She was in a panic, she suddenly recalls the reason she is in this situation.
Carla and her two friends had been staying in a small town named Amity; it was just an hour or two away from her home town. Her home town was a little more up to date with the times than Amity, the people here in this town seemed as if they were stuck in time. They were very old fashioned and even spoke with an awkward accent that Carla had never heard before. To her it seemed strange for the two towns to be so close to each other but be so different. Carla and her friends didn’t like being in Amity, they would have never come if it wasn’t for some rumors they had heard in their own town. They heard stories of people disappearing and being erased from town records. That was the kind of thing that Carla liked to investigate. After high school she was planning on going to college to be a detective, so she thought that coming to Amity would be a nice little practice, she was curious to see what she could come up with.
For the last few days Carla Staci and Matt had wondered around the town asking the locals what kind of things go on around town. No one seemed to cooperate, the most they would say was go home or you don’t belong here. One day while investigating the town Carla and Matt had found a trail in the woods, it looked like it would be a nice nature walk, and it kind of reminded them of home. Later on Carla and Matt went back to the motel and told Staci about the trail they had found. They all agreed that the next day they would walk the trail and head back home since nothing was really going on here in Amity.
They woke up early the next morning and packed their stuff up in the car; Carla went to check out of the motel and asked the lady how far the trail in the woods goes. The lady had looked at Carla in shear fear. The lady told Carla to just go home and not to go on the trail, but now Carla was curious to why the woman had been so frightened. Was there something in the woods, the very thing Carla came here to find? She had to go for this walk now, no ignoring it.
Carla and her friends proceeded to the trail for their walk, when they got to the trail they noticed a sheriff car parked by the opening. The sheriff was leaning against the hood of the car. When Carla Staci and Matt got out of the car to go for their walk the sheriff had walked up to them and told them not to go off the main trail. Carla and her friends agreed and started there walk. When they got farther into the woods they decided to go off the main trails, even though the sheriff told them not to. They wanted to see what else they could find; Carla had convinced them that what they were looking for was somewhere here in the woods. They had all agreed not to go too far from the trail, but eventually they had gotten lost.
The three teens walked around aimlessly all night trying to find their way out but they couldn’t. Early the next morning they had spotted a house. Tired, hungry, and lost they rushed up to the house hoping for some help or finally a way home. When they finally reached the house they knocked, an older creepy man answered it. He invited them in and offered them some water, Staci and Matt took theirs and drank it happily. Carla took hers but did not drink it, she tried to ask about a phone but the man paid no attention to it. A few moments later Staci and Matt passed out cold on the floor. At that point Carla was certain that the man had put something in the drinks, she dropped her drink and began to run. As she ran out the door the man graved a tennis racket and hit her right in the chaw.
She didn’t stop; she kept running even though she was dizzy and almost couldn’t even run straight. She kept running without looking back, she ran until she ended up here in this little shed. Her mouth hurt, she opened it and looked at herself in a broken piece of mirror on the floor. Blood coated her pearl-white teeth.