December 13, 2011
east bound
i enjoy living in the east you allways get that chillin weather you get that weather to be rockin the big champion hoodie i can wear them big tim boots un laced the seasons change so its not allways hot like the south or west the snow storms just = money the leaves we have to rake can make you good money and the grass grows all summer so year around my matres is sittin high
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Oddly enough, I really liked this. Even though there is NO punctuation anywhere in sight, I loved it. It was choppy with an edge, which caught my attention imediately. I could hear this being turned into a rap, with a sick beat to the backround, bringing your words to a life of their own. Amazing job at representing the East. <3
ReplyDeleteThis was interesting. I'm not really sure what this is. In some ways, I almost think it's a poem. It has some rhythm to it, however, it is hard to tell because it isn't broken up into stanzas and it lacks punctuation completely. If you cleaned this up grammar wise, I think it could really be good. I think Megan is right. With a super fly background beat this could be a cool rap. I agree with her as well; the choppy sentences caught my attention, too. I disagree, however, that the poor use of mechanics is a likeable aspect of this. The part that’s good is the story you tell. Don’t allow silly stuff like spelling and punctuation get in the way of that. Fix it up a little. I think you should edit this and, then I think it could be actually a really interesting take on the east coast.
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