December 9, 2011
The Spawn of Roger
Roger was a hard working business man his wife died 3 years after they had their first son, Roger Jr. That was ten years ago and Roger is thirteen now who is still living with just his father in a small apartment in New York. Besides having the same name Roger and his son have nothing alike. For instance; as Roger is off busy at work Roger Jr. is out doing anything to hurt someone or at home doing drugs or smoking in his bedroom. Roger tries to help his son, but it just causes them to drift farther apart. Roger prays for the day that his sons behave but that doesn’t happen because the next day Roger Jr. dies from over dose leaving Roger depressed and alone.
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That was sad. Depressing. Interesting though. However, you had a few sentences that could have been worded better. It would also be interesting to see more of Roger Sr.'s reaction to his son's death.Good job.
ReplyDeleteThis story has the potential to be great, but it was really confusing. At more than one part, I couldn't tell whether you were talking about Roger or his son, also named Roger. I think you did a pretty good job for most of it by calling him Roger Jr, but you should double check and make sure you know which Roger is which so that the reader will understand too. Maybe Roger Jr. could go by his middle name? You could call him Joe or Steve or Cat or whatever. Also, you should make sure that you don't have any run on sentences and try splitting up the longer ones in more places.
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