November 10, 2011

Little Rhymes Go A Long Way :)

Left, right, up, down, even maybe all around,
lets take a journey to the center of our town.

Alleys, lee-ways, corners, and certain ends
lead from one street to another that kind of bends.

We ride by in cars, bikes, and see different people of all sorts,
we tend to notice those random rich folk in the old-fashioned carriages have escorts.

As we look closer, we also see some passer-byes,
just like the stupid hobo's that are surround by flies.


  1. reminds me of charlie and the chocolate factory

  2. you should throw some chocolate making gnomes in there and have the glass elevator hit a bird or something and shatter causing the last thing you see before you hit the ground be something random.

  3. This was quirky, I liked it :) It seems it was going to be a surrealistic poem, but really it was more introspective and realistic. For some reason I thought it was going to sound like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, like what Shan33Totman13 said above. Overall, it flowed really well and had great use of observations. One way to continue the poem would probably be just to give the observer more observations. Try to give the audience a vivid picture of the journey the watcher is experience. Create more events within the poem and maybe try to add other characters. Or when in doubt, describe the hell out of what you're thinking xD. I dug this vibe a lot. Keep making interesting work.