September 30, 2011

Devil's Reign

Lost in cold are the depths of hell

Mark my words for all to tell

When I get there and break down the gates

The whole world will stop and wait

You can say you are the one

Who they call death, the only son

I am the father, the end, and the pain

Bringing forth the devils reign

Deep are the cuts that scar the earth

Waiting for our rebirth

The world was fire, cinder, and ash

When you look at its starting past

Hell has won as they have before

So close the window and lock the door

They will come for you as well

To drag you to the gates of hell

You can say you are the one

Who they call death, the only son

I am the father, the end, and the pain

Bringing forth the devils reign

Fish flavored Coffee of death

Taylor walked to the coffee shop. She knew what was coming. Her boyfriend Mark was about to break up with her. She's seen it coming for weeks now.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Taylor thought to herself, but she couldn't force herself to pretend to be happy. She would really miss Mark.

When she arrived at the shop, Mark was already there, sitting at a two person table, two coffee's already ordered and still steeming. No one else was at the shop.

"Good morning, Taylor." Mark greeted her pleasently.

Mark caught Taylor's hand and pulled her over to the table, and then pulled out her chair for her. then he gracefully walked over to his own side of the table and sat, gazing at Taylor adoringly. She was extremely confused.

"Um... What brought all of this on?" She asked him.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just in a happy mood." Mark mused.

Taylor shrugged to herself, still confused. Maybe he's not breaking up with me...

The air smelt of something unusual, but she couldn't figure out what it was exactly.

Mark watched Taylor with patient eyes, as she sipped her coffee. It tasted nasty and wrong. So much so that Taylor spit it back out, but she was too late. Half of the mouthful had already been swallowed. Mark did not react to this. Nor did he react to the coughing and gagging that immediatly came from Taylor.

Taylor soon realized that she was having an allergic reation to the coffee. She also realized that the smell and taste was fish. Taylor was allergic to fish.

"I-is t-ther-re fi-ish in th-that?" Taylor asked, barely able to choke out the words.

Mark simply nodded. In his eyes, Taylor saw something like remorse, but he still showed no effort to help her.

Slowly Talor died. Once Mark was sure that she was really dead, he picked up her body and dumped it into a dumpster behind his uncles coffee shop. As he did so, he was reminded of all his other past girlfriend's whom all died a similar death as Taylor had, and whom was all dumped in this same exact dumpster.

What I Left Behind

I wrote this just based off the title. What did you take away from it? Did you like? Was it good? Did it make sense? Take a gander if you so choose.

I sat there in frustration
With tears in my eyes
With words all choked up
A knotted feeling in my insides

A cantankerous sore
That I just wanted to blurt out
Something meaningful, poetic
But my own self I will doubt

Like a moment in time
This was the hand I was dealt
What I left behind
Was the feeling I felt

Fish coffee

Fish flavored coffee
Tastes like dead fish and coffee
I don't enjoy it

Under The World We Know part 2

Continuing to the story I put up last week. Please again tell ways I could further develop the characters and ways to continue the story.

Bion slid into pitch black darkness and fell face first into the cold floor. The cave was damp and smelled of copper. Water dripped from hanging stalactites and pooled on the ground in freezing puddles. Bion reluctantly pushed himself up and spat out dirt that had gone in his mouth. He reached for his helmet and switched on the light. The cave was illuminated instantly and Bion felt a little stress evaporate with the darkness. He saw his brothers blue life line and immediately the slight bit of relief he felt from his light disappeared. The line stretched in front of him and into a giant underground pit. It wasn’t taught so Carson mustn’t have fallen too far, but still Bion had to hold himself back from screaming his brother’s name. Any slight bit of noise might echo to cause a cave in, and no one wanted that. Slowly he crept up to the edge of the chasm, he crawled on his hands and knees to keep himself steady. Gulping he took a final lurch forward and found himself at the edge of the chasm.

Bion was trembling but he forced himself to look over the edge for his brother’s sake. The vertigo almost toppled him over but once his eyes steadied he saw his brother lying under a pile of debris on a ledge only a couple dozen yards down. Carson had been incredibly lucky; Bion couldn’t even see the bottom of the pit below the ledge, just darkness. Carson was awake and looked up at Bion pleadingly; he knew as well as his brother that if he yelled for him everything would collapse. But even without hearing it Bion knew what had to be done. He was going to have to face his fears and leap into the chasm.

The Fish-Smelling Coffee

The other day I was at my local Starbucks because one of my friends is a masochist and enjoys torturing himself with shitty coffee. When he came back to the table, he hasd a steaming cup of what smelled like steamy sex. "What the hell is that?" I asked. "Fish-flavored coffee bro." I told him that sounded disgusting and he continued to drink it anyway. Suddenly he grew gills and began suffocating. "Get me to an ocean." He yelled while gasping for air. "Oh I'll give you an ocean, an ocean of fire A-hold. I told you I hate Starbucks." I poured the lighter fluid from one of my lighters all over his face and using my zippo, lit him on fire. I walked away as my friend burned. The air smelled of death and fish-flavored coffee, but I couldn't tell which smell was which.

Something smells fishy....

This is writing exercise 21. Is it too fishy? What can i say to make this story more interesting and exciting?

It was a normal morning except for the fact that I didn't have any time to stop for coffee this morning. I had no energy when I got to school, I could barely stay awake! Halfway through first block my friend offered for me to take hers since I ws so dead. I took her coffee without any hesitation but upon taking the first sip I realized it was the worst tasting coffee I had ever had. I didn't mind though, I needed it. I had chugged the entire coffee in less than thirty seconds and it was just about to hit me when suddenly I felt very strange. I couldn't breathe. I went to grab some water but my hand wasn't moving. As I looked down I realized what was happening. I had turned into a fish. After a minute the transformation was done. My friends rushed me into a bowl of water, where I spent the rest of my fishy life.

What I Left Behind

So this was one of our writing exercises (#17).

I smiled
I cried
I left
I lied
The world turned upside down

She smiled
She prayed
She promised
She paid
The world turned inside out

A heart stopping moment
A wonderful breath
I couldn't believe
Just what I left

Such beauty
A smile
A laugh
A broken heart promise at night

She smiled
I cried
She promised
I lied
She's what I left behind

Question: What did you feel reading this? Did the emotions come across well? Is there any way to make the emotions come across more clearly?

Eye-Gouging Awesomeness

I reached over and calmly gouged out his eye. The poor man. If only he had kept calm when his contact lens rolled behind his eye, he wouldn't have run into head on traffic. But I really needed that contact lens. Contact lenses are made of exceedingly rare gold and would save my family from starvation. With one last glance at the man, I ran home. There, my siblings and mother were awaiting my arrival. "Did you get it?" My younger sister asked anxiously. I held up the contact lens and my mother put a hand over her heart in relief. She disappeared into the house, leaving my siblings and I to wait outside. Five minutes later, the broker left with the gold contact and there was a pile of money, so high it was taller than me sitting in our little kitchen. "We'll never be poor again!" My little brother clapped excitedly. We all smiled at each other, knowing that this was the start of something good. My mother looked over at us and said, "Come on, let's go." We skipped out the door, and then my mom took us out for sno-cones.

Failure of a First Kiss

This is a writing exercise we did in class.

The night of my first kiss seemed relatively normal. I was at a dance. I'm not really much of a social bug, so I stayed in the shadows and kept to myself. I had decided that tonight I was going to have my first kiss. I was 16 and I had never been kissed. My friends made fun of me constantly for this. No more. I was going to have my first kiss. The trouble was, I had to find the right girl. All the girls here were dressed like sluts and had globs of makeup on their eyes. It was disgusting. I wanted a girl who had a little more respect for herself.

Just then, a young girl around my age entered the room. She wore a modest but beautiful blue dress. She had just the right amount of make up on and her hair was left completely down. It was a natural beauty and it was very refreshing. She walked over to the refreshments and didn't grab any punch, yet I noticed she had a cup in her hand. She made her way over to a corner that was out of sight to people but she could still see everyone. On an impulse, I walked next to her and she looked curiously at me as I leaned against the wall.

"Michael," I said, introducing myself.

"Amy," she responded, staring into the crowd of people.

Acting on another impulse, I turned her toward me. She didn't move away. Before I could stop myself, I had decided that she would be my first kiss. I never was that good at resisting impulses. I leaned in and quickly pressed my lips to hers. To my utter surprise and pleasure, she didn't pull away. She melted into me and her empty punch cup fell to the floor. I vaguely heard a beeping sound but ignored it.

Amy pulled herself quickly away from me. "SHOOT!" she exclaimed. She chucked the beeping cup to the far side of the room and pulled me down to the floor. Before I could ask her what was going on, that side of the room blew up. I gaped in shock. "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" she screeched.

Did this make sense? What was your first impression of Amy? Is Michael too stupid?

Hungry Kevin

It had been three weeks since Kevin Humphrey had last eaten a cheeseburger. He was on a diet because he wanted to impress the new girl at work. He was walking home from the store one night when he saw a woman. The woman was sitting on a bench, alone. She was crying. Kevin was about to stop and talk to her out of concern, but his roommate called him called him just then and he rushed home. When he got to his apartment, his roommate told him that there was no more food left. The roommate and his friends had already finished it all. Kevin went to bed, hungry, and he thought of the woman. As he slept, her sadness haunted him like moonlight on a discarded cheeseburger wrapper.

A Happy Moment

When I'm not alone,
Everything is so much brighter
I don't want to forget
I don't want to leave
Just let me be
Emotions running wild
I can't control a beast
Just let me have a moment
To find what I really need
I'm married to my emotions;
Dearly Beloved,
In sickness,
and in health
Till death do you part
Just let me see what I need,
And the difference,
To what I want
Oh, just let me have
A Happy Moment

Experimental Coffee

This is the writing exercise we did in class today involving fish flavored coffee. I'm looking for any friendly advice about how I can make this more interesting and add more to it.

Jean sat in her room, trying to think of a new flavor of coffee. Her taste buds were bored with the flavors already out there. She wanted something fresh, new, and exciting. As she sat cross legged on her bed, she glanced at her goldfish swimming without a care in his fish tank.

" Well Willy? You got any ideas?" she asked, frowning at the goldfish. Willy ignored her and continued swimming. Jean sighed then got an idea. Why not try fish flavored coffee? Now to make it would be the challenging part, she thought as she grinned at a now frightened Willy.

i forgot my goldfish

My family decided it was time to move after 15 years in the same house. As they drove away i watched as the house got smaller and smaller until it was out of site.
Half way through the drive i realized that i had forgotten my my goldfish.
"Mom!" I yelled "We need to go back!"
"No!" she yelled back.
"But i forgot my gold fish!"
My brother sitting next to me was laughing mockingly "Nance."
I ignored him like always. I sat there thinking about my poor little gold fish swimming around his small bowl wondering where his food was.
I had a sad look on my face and my brother pointed it out "are you sad over a fish!?"
Every body looked and laughed.
I punched him in the arm and told him to shut up.
I stayed quiet for the rest of the ride knowing i'll never see my goldfish again.

How it Feels

As I walk into the woods, I can smell a fire, I can feel the roughness of the bark, I can taste thr fresh air, I can see a trail surrounded by a billion trees, I can hear snaping branches beneath my feet as I walk. I have never seen this place before. I must have just overlooked it. The skys settimg in pinks, purples and, blues that decorate the sky. I wish this could last forever. I spread my arms out to bothn sides, dop my head back and begin to spin. I open my eyes and stare up at the sky. At this very moment i am one with the sky. This is what life was meant to be. It's feeling freedom, and serenity. While your spinnimg your a little light on your feet but as soon as you begin to think about the situation in too much depth you lose consentration and fall to the ground. I kept my mind open throughout my spins. As I slowly stop, I take on elast look at my surroundings and realize everything has changed. No more colors or nature. Just a surrounding of people ll dressed in familiar outfits. One seems to know me. As I rise up they speak up and say "Welcome Back."

The Basement

The light bulb in the basement burned out last week. I had to go down in the basement to do laundry lastnight. It was very dark down there. I couldn't see what I was doing so I went back upstairs to get a flashnight. I went back downstairs to do my laundry when all of a sudden I heard a noise. I went to go see what it was, but i couldn't see anything. I went back to doing my laundry. Then I heard the noise again. I went back to go see where it was coming from. Then I see a vampire sitting on one of the laundry baskets. The first thing it says to me is " really human flesh doesn't taste that bad."

"What I left behind"

When i was a young child I left behind my dad and all my family. There was no where else to go except to go live with my uncle and that was a disaster. I saw my dad this summer for the first time in 11 years.When i had to leave him it felt like I was leaving behind him again and i dont know when the next time i will see him again.

My perfect pet.

My perfect pet would be a cat,
not a dog cause i cant handle that.
To bad my perfect pet i already have,
and without my sashie i would go mad.
She's my fat pretty girl.
And i love her, she's like a little human with fur.
She lays with me,
Cries when im not around,
listens to when i talk to her,
And she follows me throughout the house.
My babygirl is perfect in so many ways.
And thats why my sashie moomoo is my perfect pet mmmmmkayyyyyyyy.

Hearts Can Recover From A Disaster

Break ups'....heart breaks'....they're both the same.
Either way you look at it, either person in the relationship could experience the ache of a once loved heart.
Even though guys try not to show that they're hurting, doesn't mean you can think that they aren't.
A girl can hurt inside, and show it on the outside.
The girl could put a mark on a guy to prove that they were once together.
Her sadness could haunt him like the moonlight on a discarded cheeseburger wrapper.
Something that was great to have, but ends up being trashed the next.
It's painful to have such a feeling like this, but in the end, you could always move on.

September 29, 2011

First Kiss Gone Wrong

Ronny and Suzie were dancing at Suzie's sister wedding. Ronny leans down and kissed her. She was so happy for her first kiss.

"Can I show you my guns?" He asked
"You mean your mucles?" Suzie asked confused.

"No." he said and pulled out a gun from his suit pocket.

"What are you doing with that?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"I thought it be cool to bring one."

"At a wedding?" She asked "You're an idiot!"

"Oh, sorry." he said and hugged her with the gun still in his hand.

AS they hugged Ronny accidently pulled the trigger shooting Suzies Nanny.

Suzie pushed him away in shock "What did you just do?!"

"Sorry, it was an accident!" he said waving the gun in his hand. He pulled the trigger again and the bullet hit Suzie's only sister. "Oh man, sorry!"

"Ronny leave!" she screamed.

"Suzin im so sorry!" He yelled, and pulled the trigger again shooting Suzie. He fell to his knees and was stunned at what he did. He went crazy at the sight, so crazy he shoot himself in the head and died.

I will miss my Sister

You are so full of life,
Always smiling and carefree.
I love being a part of your life,
And you being a part of mine.
You can make anybody laugh,
If they were having a bad day.
No matter how sad I get,
You can take the hurt away.
Nothing will ever stop you,
Or even make you fall.
You are ready to take on
The world,ready to do it all.
But please always know this,
No one will ever take
Your place as my sister.
It wont be the same,
The halls will be empty without
Your laughter.
Your smile can brighten
Anyone's day.
I know it is going to be hard,
But you will always come and visit.
Just remember we are
Sisters and nothing
Will change that no matter
How far apart we are
From each other.

I will miss you!

September 28, 2011

Break up time!

There was this girl who had a boyfriend and she wanted to do something romantic for him. It was there one year ann.but she couldnt think of anything to do. All day she thought something did not feel right anyways,he hasnt been talking toher that much so she doesnt know what to do or if she should get him anything. He called her up later that night before they were going to meet up together and he told her that he couldnt do it anymore. Later that night she saw him with another girl kissing at dinner. She was devestated,like never before.

September 27, 2011

Meeting the Boss

The 2 guards led me to a dimily lit room

A man sat across a black oak desk

He was covered in darkness from the waist up

His left hand reached for a cigar in a glass ashtray

He took a hit, seconds later

A thick white cloud hovered the table

As the smoke cleared he put the cigar back

he reached under the table and pulled up 3 boxes

The first words he said were

"Welcome to the game"

Box 1 had Cocaine

Box 2 held Marijuana

Box 3 contained Ecstacy

I put my hand on box 1

Unknowing what im getting in to

He said

"The money game, Good luck"

The relation ship of Fred & Knightmare

-A gang member who goes by the name of "Knightmare" robs a bank
-Fred (at age 5) has parents killed by Knighmare
-17 years later fred is attacked by Knightmare
-The next year fred is attacked by Knightmare
-The next year fred and the Organization time travel and fred revisits his parent death
-Fred attacks and cripples Knightmare
-a year later Knightmare attacks again and wounds Fred
-Fred see's Knightmare die in the distance
-22 years later Fred (who is the godfather of Christina) is killed by Knightmare
( A reflection of Knightmare)
-Christina time travels and kills Knightmare in the past (to try and fix things)
-because of this a REFLECTION of Knightmare is made


We Laughed,
we cried,
we had good times
until that hateful guy committed
that crime.

Then I turned around
and I saw a blur,
I started to stare
as I begin to cry thinking
about her.

Then I turned back around and
realized she was gone,
as I thought I did something

But now she is in a good
Now I can look up and
know she is looking down
on my face.

" I love you mom."

September 26, 2011

fall of the darkest reflection part 3

The story begins with the members of the Organization laying around. Suddenly the sky becomes dim and the weather instantly changes from the middle of summer to the dead of winter within minutes. The Organization gathers to discuss. After minutes of aimless chat amongst each other, Gary announces the situation; Father was coming. Father, the supreme leader of darkness, had gathered so much power and substance that when he enters the physical world, all of existence will collapse. As the only possible option Gary proposes that they destroy father’s path of entry. Father is trapped in Twilight. A world in-between the realm of reality and fiction and the only way out is through the untamed power of a reflection. A reflection is a manifestation made to fix the flaw that accurse when the time/space fabric bends into an endless recurring loop (Usually caused by time travel). Gary had made a time machine incase this were to happen, the Organization went through the time machine into their memories in hope of finding and destroying the darkest refection (whatever it may be).

bookstore meeting

What did you like or not like about this story? What can i do to make it better? Are there any things you would have changed, added, or taken away from it? Is it not descriptive enough? Does it make sense?

Brooke didnt get it. she got to the bookstore right on time. She even got to the right aisle, which isnt too easy in the pitch black darkness of a bookstore at two in the morning.
Wait, it is two twenty-five A.M. isn't it?
Suddenly a shadow stepped out of the book aisle. Like, literally out of the books. the shadow just ignored her though and walked by. Maybe the man was blind?
Wait, what was a grown man doing at a bookstore in the middle of the night?
Brooke decided not to call him back-he might've been a security guard or something. Brooke didnt want to be kicked out, and have to be dragged to the police. It took alot to sneak in here.
That was when he stepped out from the bookshelf himself. He is the whole reason Brooke was even here tonight. He approached Brooke, happily.
"Well, good morning." His voice was just a beautiful as ever.
"Where have you been? This place might as well be haunted." Brooke teased. "Why'd you want to meet here again anyways? Oh and you never told me why you were in the basement the other day, when we met."
He shrugged and simply replied: "Well, I like it here. I spend lots of my time in the basement here... Plus, it's not like a can leave this place to not be haunted. I mean, i'm the main ghost here. What would the others do?"
His tone was teasing, but Brooke could see the questioning in his eyes. The longing for her to take him seriously.
"Ghost? Stop messing around. Are you ever going to tell me your name?"
"No. There is not a need for you to know my name. I am dead, Brooke. I'm a ghost.
Brooke backed away from him ever so slightly. She began repaying what He had said last time they met: "Brooke could you ever love someone with a secret they couldn't tell you? Or someone who couldn't give you the life you want?"
That was when Brooke ran. She ran out of the bookstore, and continued at a ran till she was home. But she could not run away from the memory of his bookstore, or him.

Second Chance

Any suggestions as to how I can better sort me thoughts without making it sound childish?

I remember the day,
He pushed me away
I had the broken heart.

I was in love,
Floating high above
Untill he toar me apart.

He cheated, he lied
I was dying inside
I'd never been so low.

I was weak when he left,
Taking my world, it was theft!
But, that was long ago.

I'm strong, I'm brave,
My life, I gave
He's splitting at the seams.

He's under my spell
Welcome to hell
I'm taking over his dreams.

He got me once, maybe now twice.
It was the luck of the draw, the roll of the dice,
I may be his, he may be mine, are we ment to be?

I'm scared to give in,
I won't let him win
This time, he won't fool me.


They walked around the mall talking and window shopping. A man looked at them scared his skin was grayish green and he tried to cover his face with his eyes.

Did you see that?
Yeah, what is up with him?
Maybe he’s sick.
Taylor waving to the man.
Hi, you look sick you should go take an Advil.
I’ll kill you!
No you won’t you’re just confused.—
Abby calling to Taylor, random dude getting close.
Taylor, stop being stupid and get back here!
Random dude eats Taylor.

Do you like?

My STD poem (:

this is my writing excercise. hope you like it. but tell me how would you react to someone with this new disease ? would you still be friends with your friends or would you make new ones ?

so i personally dont know of this, it is something horrible with a twist.
its called viva 124, its terrifying to look at and it doesnt have a cure.
You get horns and a tail from this STD.
oh please oh please dont come near me.
i stick with condums so im 100% clean.
i have never had an STD before so viva 124 stay away from me.
It wasnt contagious and you can spot it out anywhere.
Even if your friends have it, be carful to not touch their private area.
and thats how i know of viva 124 but i swear if my boyfriend has it, we wont be together anymore.
its a dirty disease and there are many more like it.
but if you stay protected you wont have to try to hide it.

September 24, 2011

my first kiss

my first kiss was my last one and i remember it clearly. So theres this girl that ive been dieng to meet but she is allways with her friends but one day i saw her all alone walking to class i told my self this is it i gota talk to her so i speex walk to catch up to her things go great we exchange numbers then one day i had enough guts to ask her out so she said yea so we go to go watch a movie.we finally see the movie but half way threw the movie she told me to go out side with her as were out side she kisses me then outa no where. she bites my lip i taste blood then she just drops and starts to make grunting noises so i open my eyes to see that she is. getting stabbed to death by some mad man i look on the floor and see that shes dead then mad man looks up at me

September 23, 2011

Song i wrote but did nothing with

Pen just scatters confusion

A lie from an artist makes it wonderful

A lie from an artist makes it whole

A lie from an artist makes it magical

I lie from an artist makes it yours

Late night hallucinations

Dreams of fire and pelage

Waking up in a cold sweat

I am whole again

I am alive

Can’t sleep here anymore

They’ll find me I am sure

Just need to reach the window

Just need to make a cure

If I die before I wake

I have no soul for you to take

But take my flesh, my blood, my bone

Just promise me you’ll leave my home


I apologize,
This is all that I wrote
No excuse to back it up
No hand written note

I forgot to post here
Got lost in the scurry
From inhaling done Denny's
To running away in a hurry

This won't happen again
That I shall swear
I take full responsibility
Do you think that's fair?

comeuppance scene two

Scene Two: THE MALL

sound: crowds at the mall, people talking, bags rustling, people walking around


Hey Melissa wanna ditch the group and go try on shoes?


I kinda wanted to talk to Audrey. I haven't gotten to see her like, all summer.


Come on. Don't be such a downer. Let's go.

SOUND: Footsteps


Do you know where Melissa and Julianna are? I haven't seen them in like an hour...


No idea. I thought they were just gonna go get some lip gloss. Try calling.

SOUND: Julianna's phone ringing


Aren't you gonna answer that?


Of course not. What's the point of ditching people if you're gonna answer when they call?


Julianna didn't pick up. I'm gonna try Melissa's phone.

SOUND: Melissa's phone ringing





What are you doing? Don't answer that. Don't tell them where we are. Tell them we're at Starbucks.


Hang on a sec Lauren.

(whispers to Julianna)

Starbucks is on the opposite side of the mall from us. What are you trying to do? Make them chase us around all day?


Yes. It's fun.


Lauren, you still there?


Yeah I'm here. Where are you guys?


Julianna's at Starbucks. I'm gonna come see you guys. Where are you?


We're at the food court. See you in a sec.


Kay. See you.



Where are you going?


I told you I wanted to hang out with Audrey. Plus Lauren just called. I'm gonna go to the food court to see everyone. You can come if you want.


I'm not coming. I don't even know which shoes I want yet.

^.^ Komm gelesen meinem Drehbuch

This is a scene in the screenplay that im wrighting in this class, by the way, Im failing pretty hard so I want it to be epic . Its this huge story, this is only a small part of it. Francis, the main character is a executive of a giant corporation that controlls the world. Id appreciate any and all feedback, specifically about the characters' character, I want them all to be unique. So let me know if they all sound like the same person or not.

Int. extravagant hotel bar
We see a timelapse of Francis knocking back beers and shots for the hour he spends at the bar, he must have drank 100 beers and 30 shots at least, the timelapse lasts 20 seconds, then time returns to it's normal pace to show Francis leaving the bar.

Int. suite 36
Francis enters the room. The men look excited to see him.


We have talked in great detail of you, my friend.

We understand this is no small thing you ask of us,

but we also see that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

So we agree to your terms and look forward

to being great friends in the future.


Thats great news.

You won't need to pay us anything untill you recieve

your first ICBM. After that you'll have to pay first and

then you'll get your nukes, heres my card

(Francis hands him a card)


(Francis' cellphone rings)

Sorry I have to take this.

Francis leaves the room and goes into the hallway then answers the phone




Sorry for interupting you dude,

If you were in the middle of something

I can always call you some other time.


Baccon! Absolutely not, I actually just finished

business here, they totally went for it dude!

Thats it man! We finally did it, we own the world!

Theres like 7 governments that aren't loyal to us.

... And they're pathetic!


Damn..I always dreamt of this day, I just thought

it would feel...better.


What are you talking about!?

We are THE GODS!


Yeah? Francis, we're not "gods"

because... gods don't die.


Is everything all right, cuz, you dont sound so good.


Not so much, man, remember when we were kids,

always talking about that deep shit, how people spend

their whole lives without looking up, content with being slaves.


Uh, yeah... Dude, I remember that. Whats wrong

man, why are you telling me this?


Because I'm dieing.




Yeah, I guess I have cancer, I mean, I guess Ive

had it for awhile now, theres nothing I can do,

Ive got a year left to live, give or take.


No! This is bullcrap!

Listen, your not dieing, we have all the money in the world.

Rich people don't die damn it!


Dude Im dieing, I got a year to live.


Can we discuss this later?


Yeah, we'll do that.


(Francis hangs up the phone, then throws it at the wall)


Under The World We Know

This is a little short excerpt from a story I'm writing. Feel free to tell me ways I can edit it to make the story more fluid. Also ways I could continue the plot and possibly ways I could end it.

The entrance to the mine was as unwelcoming as the job itself. Barely hung and unreadable, it's main purpose was to wait until someone had the time to take it down. Inside metal clanked, rocks colided, and men grunted in effort as they atempted to separate one mineral from another. The boys nodded in consolence as they passed. The next level stationed dozens of machines as workers dug into the ground like vultures ripping the Earth clean of all its nutrients. The smell of sweat was washed out by the overwhelming stench of oil and dust. Workers coughed and heaved as they worked feverishly at their assigned machines. Beyond that was an escapade of caves where divers dove devilishly into the labarynths of mine seeking new spots in which man could bleed the ground dry. This was where the boys worked.
Their director was waiting for them when they entered. He greeted them with the same angered commands that was insued every day. Humbily they nodded and looked at their feet as was a custom of the job. Once his shouts died away they were then pushed to the lip of a deep dungenous cave and tied to a life line. Bion's line was a florescent green while Carson's was a light blue. Both would glow in the dark once they entered the cave and both would guide the boys back once their job was finnished. Carson tightened the cord around his waist a little more and spoke to his brother, "Don't worry Bion, we've done this plenty of times." And then, as was custom, Carson jumped into the mine. But jumping in the mine wasn't what was worrying Bion. There was something else that made him hesitate as he stared into the dark chasm that his bother had just jumped into.

Zach Roberge

One mistake Too Many

This is a small part of my screenplay for creative writing. It's about a woman whose mind is too curious for her own good and enters a seemingly abandoned house. I like the idea for it but I'm uncertain if there's too much description in it for a screenplay. Any friendly advice would be welcome.

Ext. Random Street-7 pm

The street is dimly lit and is practically deserted except for ROSE who is going for her nightly walk.She stops in front of a worn down abandoned house. The house has tattered curtains, broken windows, and most of the wood appears to be rotted or partially rotted. The lawn shows lack of care with overgrown roots and dry grass. A face briefly appears in the left window then vanishes.


(Approaches the house)

What was that?

The door creaks open and ROSE enters the house. The door swings shut behind her. ROSE, a little freaked out now, turns and tries to open the door. She is unsuccessful.

Int. Abandoned House- cont.

ROSE looks around and takes in the scenery. There's a tattered rug in the hallway she's in and a closet to her left as she starts to walk down the hallway. ROSE chooses to explore the house since she can't quite leave. She enters what appears to be a small bedroom with a large portrait on the back wall. She walks closer to the painting. It is of a young woman smiling happily and standing near what could be the husband.

Stabbed in the Heart

       This is one of the writing exercises my Creative Writing class did for Mr. Greene, today, on September 23, 2011. It is about a first kiss that goes completely wrong and has been modified to possibly become a short story. I feel like it could, and maybe should, go farther, but I need ideas on how to further the plot and to develop the characters, if you please.
       He held my hands, making me shiver fervently as I stood, staring into his eyes. I smiled at him, wanting to get closer to him, studying the planes of his body subtly. I wanted to fall into his eyes, like the temptation of a water bed after a long hard day of pushing to the limit in work or athletics. I pushed away my thoughts, deciding I didn't want to scare him off just yet.
      "Is something wrong, Annie?" His voice, so deep and clear and calm, comforting my anxiety. I've been wanting this moment for years now, knowing of my own feelings for him since I first laid eyes on him back in September, almost four years ago now.
       "No, no. I'm fine, I promise." My reply, although not as reassuring as I had meant for it to be, went through my mind with certainty and then echoed in my ears as more of a question. Why is your voice interrupting my thoughts? I thought, thankfully not out loud.
       The next thing I know, he's wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in closer. Jarrod, the Zues of the football team, the gorgeous Jarrod, was bringing his lips to my cheek. Pressed there, he searched for my lips. Once he found them, he pulled me closer to share in the magic of our first kiss.
       And then our second, and then our third. It was more than just this magical and mystical feeling that I have coveted since Freshman year, but it was this passionate intensity that made me tingle in places I had long forgotten existed.
       His muscular arms held me without give, keeping my body to his as we kissed for what seemed like years. I cherished the moment, trying hard to remember that this may be the last time this happens, if a girl who's more to his speed came and snagged him away. At that second, I wasn't aware of how right I was that this moment would end sooner than I wanted, and I was unaware of how exactly it would end.
      I felt a sharp pain reverberating in my chest. My pulse dimmed, and I dropped to the ground. I writhed in pain, trying to catch Jarrod's eyes in my own. His were darker than I've ever seen them, and there was a slightly romantic- and kind of sexy- evil glowing within the deep pools of blue that I had been accostumed to relating to comfort.
      "I couldn't let anyone else have you, Annie. I love you too much for that." Jarrod's voice was ragged and more tenor than the baritone I have been hearing before. I lost conciousness for a moment and when it came back, my eyes drifted to the bloody knife he held so surely. I shivered uncontrolably as the pain became more intense.
      With my last breath, my last second of life, I saw him take his own. He fell next to me, his body pinning mine down, and all too soon the world went blank.

My Zombie-esque Best Friend

So this is a writing exercise we did closer to the beginning of the year. It's not meant to be a poem, I just felt it was better to write in multiple lines instead of a full paragraph.

I reached over and calmly gouged out his eye.
He had deserved it this time, really.
Between totaling my car and eating my boyfriend, he was lucky I didn't cut him open.
I was trying to be a less-violent person.
So, Charlie got to keep everything but his right eye today.
I sighed as, moments later, another eye popped into existence.
He seemed to be healing faster lately.
Maybe A-positive was, in fact, his blood type.
I stuck my tongue out at him.
He grinned at me.
We walked out of the house together.
Then my mom took us out for sno-cones.

So, my question, does it seem like this would be better staying just like this, or would it be possible for me to add to it somehow?


I had to persevere,
I couldn't stop here.
This was not the end of the rope.

I was in pain,
There wasn't much to gain,
Yet, I refussed to give up hope.

I stared, in shock, at my severed hand,
As I continued bleeding on the land,
It was then, I began to weep.

It was a fight gone wrong,
It lasted too long.
My severed hand, I would keep.

Keep to remind me,
That the past was behind me,
And I had to continue to strive.

After it all,
I continued to ball,
But, still, I was alive.

- This is my first Publish, or Perish assignment. Does anyone have an feed back on how to elaborate on this poem without drowning the simplicity out?

Ice Cold WInter

The ice cold winter
It was always quite dreadful
To leave the house full of warmth
Having to work and work
And only get sick in return
Why couldn't I for once,
Stay inside with the warmth
And my blanket
WIthout having a runny nose
Frost bite on my feet and nose
Hurt more and more
With each step and breath
Keep me out of
The Ice Cold Winter

This is one poem that I just came up with randomly, usually my poems aren't about Winter, but I thought since Winter was on it's way it'd be a good idea.
Is there anything I should change/add/take out? It's supposed to be like a poem from a good few years back when they didn't have heaters or anything and they had to work even when the Winters were so bad.

Writing exercise

I reached over and calmy goused out his eyes, when suddenly my x box controller died, I was heated, I almost beat the level when boom
, I needed new batteries. I suddenly hear my brothers and his friends running upstairs, mom wants to take us out to for snow cones, I said
"not now" I'm almost done so I tell then to get out and grab my batteries and finish playing my game. I go down stairs to finally have then my mom take us out for snow cones.

As i read this and reread my writing, i notice somethings, what would you change to the ending or make the middle a little bit more interesting?

The Evolution

The idea of this piece is to give a prelude to a childhood favorite. I took a couple of creative liberties. Can you guess what this screenplay is about? What can I do to emphasis parts that you think lacked color and clarity.

Much Appreciated.

EXT. Unknown Town – Day but dim

It is the year 2023. Yet it is only two years into the future, the world as we see it is far different from the present. Soldiers are fighting against beings that do not seem to be from this world. We see the battlefield over run with oversized rats, and an assortment of other repulsive animals.


Oak is sent in from the past to analyze the problem. Oak died in his early days before the ugliness of the world emerged. He is here to analyze the captured animals and help the humans turn the tide of the war.

Okay can I get a brief of what has happened in the past year or so to get an idea of what has happened while I was, hehe, dead.

I’ll right sir. Since late 2011, the Japanese government in partnership with CERN has been developing a kind of clean energy that would be ten thousand times cleaner than nuclear energy and 99.97% efficient without any of the drawbacks like fallout of implosion from anti-mater.

Wow. And what happened after that. It seems like the world’s energy crisis would be solved after that. What went wrong?

Well, by the time the technology had been finalized, the majority of the world had already found out what the Japanese and CERN had built. The US and the majority of Europe were extremely disappointed with themselves and began to send in spies and tried to steal the technology that they had invented. Japan and now Taiwan began to counter the West by capturing and luring them. Which they then proceeded and tortured to find out information for themselves. Lots of trouble there.

I see. So the tension between Eastern Asia and the West began to climb. Neither side wanted to feel weak so they kept on going with their plans. So what are all these mutant animals that we are fighting.

Well, hold your horses. We can’t skip any part of this story. So after Japan and Switzerland had perfected and began manufacturing the product, everything seemed fine. It helped Japan start an energy monopoly while the rest of the world was devoid of coal, natural gas, and biochemicals. Now, what happened next was something that no one in the world might have thought of. The plant, in 2018, exploded. The plan was running safety drills and had all precautionary backups turned off and at that moment, the plant ignited and blew its stack off, literally.

Let me guess, there was unpredicted and horrific side effects to the affected are. Just like nuclear fall outs.

Almost. However, after this accident happened. Japan immediately blamed the West for sabotaging the plant and declared a state of emergency along with war. The explosion managed to kill the majority of the workers inside, however the area did not seem to be affected by the accident. No one claimed to be sick and life continued on. If you skip six months into the future however, we begin to see some terrifying scenes: animals began to grow extra appendages, humans began changing colors and reverting back to primal actions. More and more people and animals in the affected area became sick. Japan didn’t know what to do!

Were the mutated beings hostile in any way? Did they provoke or attack innocent people?

No. They seemed fairly friendly but every time they approached a normal human or animal they were repulsed and fled from them. Japan ultimately decided to abandon the city of Sapporo and along with the island too. The West talked about nuking the area and purging the mutants from the world. However, Japan argued against it and war became heated again. Ultimately, NATO and the US became the world power as Eurasia was eliminated and decimated. We’ve been fighting against these beasts since!

Alright…I see the problem. Can I go examine one of the animals that we’ve managed to capture.

Of course sir. Right this way.


Oak is led into a large tented area with bright halogen lights that seems to affect the beast. Oak is also at a slight discomfort and orders the lights to be turned off. (Lights dimmed)

Okay. Can I work with him for a couple of hours? I will give the conclusive report after I have finished working alone.

That can be arranged sir.

Thank you.
After a gruesome six and a half hours of relentless testing and experimenting. Oak finally emerges from the tented area. The beast seems to be a different thing six and a half hours before Oak had began his tests. Oak hands the results to Commander Arthur.

Well, here it is. I think that we should stop this warfare business and send out normal people to quell these things.

What do you mean? Surely you’re not saying that these beasts are safe are you now Doctor?

Please, it’s professor. What I am trying to say is that these beasts do not mean any harm if you do not harm it.

I see. Bring out the male…errr Ketchup or Ketchum…Something like that. Yeah that’s him.

May I ask who this is?

Ah. Well this will be the first person to test your theory. His name is Giovanni Ketchum. We will now be sending him out to help test your theory.


Okay, let me brief you about how you can approach these beasts and quell them. Naturally, they are very calm and peaceful, it seems that these idiots have angered them and I feel like that the only way that we can help them is to act very peaceful ourselves, kinda like monkey see monkey do. You follow?

I follow. Alright. Thanks for the tip, I’ll see what I can do.

Good luck. May God be with you.

Thanks. I’ll be back.

It’s been weeks since Giovanni first left the area to try and quell these beasts. After the area was secured, the body of Giovanni was not found. However, deep in the woods, Professor Oak found Giovanni dwelling with some of the animals that escaped or fled the battle field. Giovanni seems very happy with where he is right now. Professor Oak and Giovanni engage into an unknown conversation and Oak nodes. He leaves, with one thing in mind. When his son Ash turns ten, Professor Oak will take him into his study of expertise.

The New STD

This is a writing exercise I wrote one morning and I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. We were asked, what if there was a new STD going around that gave people horns and a tail? I took a rather special angle to answer this, but my question is, how would SOCIETY handle it?

If there was a new STD that gave people a set of horns and a tail, there would be a massive backlash by the churches. Things would be like the days of the Colosseum, where STD-riddled horned people would battle for the enjoyment of normal people. Miniature colonies of horned people with tails would be persecuted often and sometimes killed by outsiders. They government, in an effort to stop the brutal killings, would put all the people with the STD on Native American reservations. The Native Americans would then fight back against the government. Then as a cruel use of irony, the United States military would use Cherokee missiles to kill the Native Americans. The United States would become a civil war-zone running rampant with people who have horns and tails. That's what would happen if there was a new STD that gave people horns and a tail.

best day ever

The air smelled like gun powder, cotton candy, and failure. i cant believe the horse i picked to win the race came in last place. I picked up my jacket and left the stands. The whole ride home all i was thinking was how am i supposed to explain to my wife that i lost 50,000 dollors on a horse race. As soon as that thought crossed my mind...BOOM! I hit something. It was a pot of gold. I got out of my car to look around. Sure enough the pot of gold was sitting under a rainbow, but not just any rainbow, no no this was a double rainbow. So i took all of the gold and headed straight for the bank. Turns out it was worth over 5 billion dollors. it was the best day ever.

writing exercise from class. Did i get from the first sentence to the last fluently? How could i make it more of a smooth transition?

Mystery Box

This is a short story I wrote for writing exercise 15. We had to create a story about a leather box with an iron lock. I'm looking for feedback on my writing style. Are the actions of my character realistic?

"What could be in this box" Tom thought to himself. "I have to find out." Tom went downstairs to his work shop. He grabbed an assortment of tools he thought would be useful in opening an old iron lock. He brought them upstairs and tried them out. First he tried to smash the lock with a sledge hammer but the lock was to strong ad was unaffected. He tried to cut it with a saw but the blade was no match for the lock and it broke. He tried each of the other tools one by one but they all failed to open the lock. He realized he couldn't open it by himself so he called his friend for help. Tom explained his situation and asked his friend what to do. His friend asked him what he box was made out of. Tom examined the box. "Leather. I think" replied Tom. "well" said his friend "just cut open the box." Tom felt stupid for not thinking of that. He got a box cutter from his basement and used it to cut a hole in the top of the box. He looked inside but couldn't see anything. He stuck his hand in to feel around. He found nothing. The box was empty. Tom wasted his whole day opening an empty box. Tom felt thoroughly disappointed and went to bed.

The Best Day Ever(Writing Exercise 10)

The air smelled like gunpowder, cotton candy, and failure. She looked up at me, her sharp blue eyes showing disappointment. "All you had to do was shoot the bullseye and and win me cotton candy, but you couldn't even do that. You are such a failure."

I was hurt deeply by her unkind words and wondered once again why I was even dating her. She was bossy, selfish, insensitive, and mean. We stood in silence for a few minutes before she began to walk away. I didn't follow her like I usually did.

She paused. "Come on." I stayed rootefd to the spot.

"Let me try again, " I said. Before she could say anything, I had walked back to the booth. I picked up the pistol and aimed with shaking hands. I pulled the trigger and it hit my mark; right between my girlfriend's eyes.

"Bullseye," I muttered quietly to myself. It was the best day ever.

This is writing exercise number 10. Did it make sense? If not, how can I make it more realistic or understandable? What was your reaction? Did the beginning make sense?

Raccoons, Shaving Cream and Sidewalks

This is a writing excersize that we did in class in which we had to incooperate a rabid raccoon, shaving cream, a tampon and it had to end with "and then the sidewalk ended." How can I add more imagery to make the reader visualize the situation better?

Every night I wake up somewhere different. Yet I never know how I got there. I am an avid sleepwalker, wandering the night confused, like an eldery, delusional ship captain sailing in the night. Not only do I sleepwalk within my house, but oftentimes, I venture beyond it. I've ended up in my car, at the top of a tree, my neighbor's bedroom...anywhere that my two feet and my dreams will take me.
On this particular night I woke up in the woods. Wild animals are one of my greatest fear so I quickly looked for a way out of this hell. I searched for familiar scenery, but everything looked so foreign. I pinched myself to confirm my alertness as I found a sidewalk. It was the only sign of civilization around and sitting on it was a long, furry, homely looking animal. The animal, which I can only assume was a sloth-like creature, thankfully was sleeping...or dead.
But then suddenly, it awoke, foam pouring from its mouth. A rabid sloth is not what I hoped to see. I looked to my left and saw a can of shaving cream sitting against the tree, and grabbed it. Maybe this foam could defeat the animal with the foaming mouth. I sprayed the shaving cream in his eyes, stuck a handy tampon in his mouth, and I began to run.
I ran and I ran until I came to the edge of a cliff, no sign of anything or anyone around that would help to alert me of my location. I remember learning once that if you die in a dream, you will wake up. I started to run...and then the sidewalk ended.

An Apple A Day

This is a writing exercise that I did a few days ago. The basic plot is that a man found a nice leather box with a special, nutritious treat inside. Please let me know how I can make this more exciting and maybe change the ending.

I had been staring at the mysterious leather box for 3 days. Ever since Sparky picked it up in his little puppy mouth I knew it was something special. The question of whether to open it or not had kept me up for 72 hours straight now. Then I realized that it was probably empty anyways and I was tired and hungry so I mine as well just open it. I jumped up from the couch, picked the lock, and opened it up. Inside was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. A big, red, juicy apple just sitting there, waiting for someone to bite into it. So I did. I tore apart that apple more than humanly possible. I sat and watched The Wendy Williams Show as I ate the apple down to the core. A day later I realized the difference of this apple compared to other apples. When I went to the bathroom a day later, I pooped out the same apple just as beautiful before I took the big bite. Even though it just came out of my butt, I couldn't resist. I took an even bigger bite than before and it tasted even better. Every day for the rest of my life, I anxiously awaited my juicy surprise of my poopy apple treat.


This is a sonnet I wrote. The main character thinks this girl is really good looking, but she has a secret. A secret the main character probably couldn't have gotten over. How can I make the beginning more interesting?

He was sitting around the books
But books he could not read
He was too excited by her good looks
He had to get up and see

Across the store, down isles he walked
He must talk to this girl
He took a seat and began to talk
Away from him she swirled

The girl has a secret she could not share
It hurt her deep inside
A secret she held behind her beautiful hair
She couldn't bear to sit at his side

She rose from her seat and split quick
This is because the "she" had a dick

The Last Man on Earth

This is a writing prompt i did in class one morning, Mr Greene gave us the first sentence and told us to finish the story. I thought it was a fun piece but i have a question. When the last man on earth is dying and looking at himself why do you think he is vanishing ?

The last man on earth sat alone and considered his future. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. When the man realized that there was a knock on the door he was surprised, he didn’t know what to believe. Was he beginning to go crazy or was there a real person knocking at the door? He heard the knock again. The last man on earth just stared at the door, scared of what could be on the other side.
            Knock Knock Knock, the knocking was getting louder. “Stop knocking” the man began to shout, “I’m not going to answer, I’m not going to answer because I don’t think I could handle what’s on the other side of this door”
            The knocking becomes even louder and more consistent. The man begins to through things around and punches the walls; the knocking is making him go mad. He cannot take the knocking any longer. The man races to the door and swings it open.
            To the man’s surprise it is himself at the door, but how could it be he at the door when he is the one who has answered the door. He stares into his own eyes or what appear to be his own eyes. They look tired and lonely, as they should, being the last man on earth.
            He begins to feel a horrible pain in his chest, almost as if it were about to explode. His blood was hot growing hotter, to a boiling point. He drops to the ground and looks up at himself, as he looks down at himself. As he feels the life leaving his body he sees himself vanishing.

Publish, or Perish

Publish, or perish is a waste of my time,
I'd rather sit and watch the lame entertainment of a mime.
If i stare to long i may go blind,
yet if i don't do anything in this class ill pay the fine.
I sip my coffee and become distracted,
I really don't want Greene's rude reaction.
I greatly hope i get this right,
If i don't there must be a fight.
Rhyming is nothing special but i know nothing else.
I feel so useless like a day old dead mouse.
Ill continue this poem until the block ends,
no one can distract me as I have no friends.
Jarred, Kristian, and Alex must not like Fridays
so i sit here alone of a moment of my daze.
The energy of the room is really awkward,
it reminds me of the deceased Lord Farquaad.
Shrek was a movie none can forget,
I hate this damn poem I'm beginning to regret.
Its almost over then i have to comment your work,
leave some good feed back don't be a huge jerk.
If your poems as lame as mine,
we'll really have to hang sometime.
We can write a lame story to publish to the world
but first i gotta go I really have to hurl.

My Mind Collaspes

I wanna scream! Make everyoe simply disappear. Walk alone, observing all the little things that are usaully overlooked. Being able to run my fingertips across the cement walls. My hand slides across as my eyes start to shut. I start to dream of a place containing no drama, no heart break, no sadness, and no humans who bring all of these things to life. Just me and the things I wish would last forever. Being able to be lifted into the air, being weightless. The clouds are my neighbors as I swim through the sky. As the day turns to night the sky is lit up by millions of stars. I lie out on the grass and stare up at the sky until my eyelids can not take anymore. As I sleep, I have no worries of where I am, or who is there with me. I will be able to enjoy just a simple, enchanting sleep. Everyday would be new, waking up to the smell of cut grass, a raindow reflection on the ocean before me. The sky was lit up with all shades of blue, I could feel the rain storm heading my way. I let my hair run wild in the winds that began to flow. The wind gets fast and the sky fades to gray. The smell of freshness in the air tells me that the raindrops are soon to fall. Suddenly I feel the tempature change, followed by a milllion waterdroplets hitting the ground at once. I begin to dance, looking up high and letting all my bodies energies be released. I let go of my body and let myself lean to the ground. Now I'm back, back to reality. Tjis [place is not filled with opprotunities.

The Disease

There’s a new STD in town where you grow two horns and a tail. It’s a very contagious disease. Three of my friends have gotten it. If you touch anyone or have any contact with other who has it you are at high risk of getting the disease as well. Everyone in town had to wear gloves and ski masks so others who didn’t have the disease yet wouldn’t catch it. Even at the doctor’s office they were wearing them. Anyone that has caught the disease is told by the doctors to stay inside and not to have any contact with people. The only way that you can get rid of the disease is to take a pill that’s prescribed by the doctor’s office. If you take this pill you have a chance of growing even more horns and maybe even another tail because this is a pill that unicorns take when they are sick.
What can I do to make this into a story?


Lights are dimmed and a dark shadow is stalking the three of them in the shadows of their walls. It seems like it’s trying to reach them but it can’t go through the dim light that is surrounding them. The creature is making this hissing noise and it seems to be saying a name. The creature is causing Erin to stir in her sleep. Like the creature is causing her pain by the expression on her face. Ryan wakes up and looks around, seeing nothing he gets up and turns the light off and returns to bed. Now that the lights were off the creature could reach Erin. It stared for a long moment as if it was just waiting. Then it started creeping towards the bed. Soon enough it was standing over her and it seemed to be staring at her again. It let out a high pitched scream causing the three of them to wake up. Erin was the first to see it. She screamed bloody murder. Cody & Ryan were to late waking up. The hooded creature was already fading out. An Erin was still screaming. Ryan grabbed a hold of her and tried calming her down and telling her to relax. Erin started crying and grabbing on to Ryan & Cody.

~How do I make it scarier and more realistic?~

The Book Store

Don was on his way to the book store when the most unbelievable thing happened to him. He was walking down Main Street minding his own business like always when this thing crawled towards him and scratched him. It looked like a person but had different traits, it was blueish, purple, and Don noticed that the things jaw was hanging by only a few threads of skin, it smelled rancid and looked awful. But Don paid no attention to his strange ordeal. He finally reached the book store and looked at his wound, the flesh around it was turning that blueish, purple color. He quickly hid the wound as he saw his friend Matt. Matt approached Don. “Hey, Don, you don’t look so good, you okay? “Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry about me, let’s get some coffee. “Okay dude, whatever. Let’s go.” Matt turned around and started to head for the coffee station. “So I heard about your girl, that’s some funky stuff man ha-ha.” Matt waited for a reply but got nothing other than a groan. Matt felt a sharp pain in his arm and started to scream. “Ahh, what the?!” Matt swung around and saw Dons teeth embedded in his arm, but somehow it wasn’t Don.

AHHH Watch out for that Monkey!!!

There was this guy who was walking on the sidewalk all by himself,he had this feeling that something or someone was following him from behind. Then before he could turn around fast enough a rabid monkey started to attack him. The man tried and tried to get away but the monkey wouldnt let him go. After a few more minutes the man ran as fast as he could. While he was running he stepped into some gum,and everytime his foot touched the ground it was sticky and hard to run as fast away from the rabid monkey. All of a sudden there was a lawn mower right in front of him and so he grabbed it and ran with it while it was running. After 5 minutes later he slowed down and looked behind him and the rabid monkey was gone. so he started walking, and then he came to a stop because there was no where else to go because the sidewalk ended. So he thought he was safe from the monkey, but all of a sudden the monkey jumped on his back and started to attack him again and before he could stop him the monkey killed him because he cut his throat open with his claws.

What can i do to make this better and more interesting for a readers eye?

Abby Road

This scene was to build up tention, was it sucessful?


Scene One

(Brie still hasn’t returned after 2 acts of clowns. Abby started getting worried, she pulled out her phone revealing that Brie left a voice message)

BRIE (Voice message)

Abby, its crazy outside, the FBI people are her surrounding the tent and not letting anybody in or out. Are you okay? Call me!


(Calls Brie back but it went straight to voice mail, she hangs up. She looked around noticing that none of the people looked panic. She turned her head and continued watching the show.)

(Clapping his hand walking to the center)

That is one of my favorite acts!
(A zombie walks in slowly toward the Ring Master)

Please, all audience member stay in their seat.

(Moans and keeps walking towards him. He reaches his hand out and tries to grab the ring master.)


(Pushes the arm away. Screaming)
What are you!


(Grabs him and pulls hit body closer to him then starts eating his face)


(Screams and panics to get out)

Every one get out of here!

(He runs out and guns shots start)

Love Is Unforgiving

Day by day, my heart is melting away,
who knew that it would hurt so much to be in love
I see you for who you are, your confusion makes me say,
why did god ever send you down from up above?
I never felt so played and insecure
why do you hide your feelings when we're around your best friend
do we actually belong together, but yet feel unsure
man will this pain and suffering ever end
when you kissed me for the first time
you told your friends at school that you always score
dating me was a bet, rewarded by a dime
now you left me alone, broke down, and sore
i have dreams about you still
but nightmares arrive when im scared of my thoughts
it never hurts to think about me if you would or will
but once you made that bet, my heart felt used and bought
i hope you feel this way after a girl breaks your heart
you would wish you never lost what was meant to be
your mind would want to be reseted back to start
but now you regret because you can now start to see the pain within me