September 24, 2011

my first kiss

my first kiss was my last one and i remember it clearly. So theres this girl that ive been dieng to meet but she is allways with her friends but one day i saw her all alone walking to class i told my self this is it i gota talk to her so i speex walk to catch up to her things go great we exchange numbers then one day i had enough guts to ask her out so she said yea so we go to go watch a movie.we finally see the movie but half way threw the movie she told me to go out side with her as were out side she kisses me then outa no where. she bites my lip i taste blood then she just drops and starts to make grunting noises so i open my eyes to see that she is. getting stabbed to death by some mad man i look on the floor and see that shes dead then mad man looks up at me


  1. Hi Eric,

    I think this piece, as I view it from afar, would be that you should really pay attention to your syntax and spelling. After reading the piece, I think that your imagery is outstanding and that this piece could really benefit if you just corrected a lot of the mistakes that you made typing up the prompt. Again, the vividness of the details that you provide really let me see what's going on and feel what you felt. However, I think that another thing that you could improve on is some of the transitions between ideas. I hope that you add some more adjectives and enhance the language, nevertheless this was written quite well!

  2. Hey Eric,
    This is a really good story,but people have to know there surroundings and who is around and who isnt. Keep up the good work!!!

  3. Hey, i really don't know you but wow. when i read this i really really enjoyed it, it kept me on my toes all the time and it really made me think of my story i did something pretty much based on this. like someone else said, no big deal just to watch your spelling. But other than that i really enjoy this! i really really look forward to reading more of your stuff and i cant wait too see more and more for your great mind everyday. I never really saw the ending coming but hey it was a great ending. it honestly was one of the best Ive read so far, other peoples were dull and boring but i found it extremely awesome dude. I really look forward to reading more of your writing more and more but i cant wait for more to come. thanks have a good one!