This is a sonnet I wrote. The main character thinks this girl is really good looking, but she has a secret. A secret the main character probably couldn't have gotten over. How can I make the beginning more interesting?
He was sitting around the books
But books he could not read
He was too excited by her good looks
He had to get up and see
Across the store, down isles he walked
He must talk to this girl
He took a seat and began to talk
Away from him she swirled
The girl has a secret she could not share
It hurt her deep inside
A secret she held behind her beautiful hair
She couldn't bear to sit at his side
She rose from her seat and split quick
This is because the "she" had a dick
WOW!!!! This is so beautiful! It is so humorous but very well written, too! I really love this story and I especially like that it is short and sweet but maybe add more detail towards the beginning. Maybe describe his life or day or him as a person to make things more interesting. You could also describe the girl more. By describing her in more detail, it might add more suspense to her big surprise at the end. When I write a rap I make sure that I really get my message across by describing everything I possibly can. This adds more imagery to the piece and therefore, gets the reader more interested. Add a few extra verses and I might have to steal some of these rhymes for a song of mine! All in all, great job, B ;) This poem is almost as sexy as you!!! Keep em coming!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good poem. The title definitely has a great fit. As for the beginning, maybe this main guy doesn't start in the library. He could be confessing to himself that he usually doesn't like girls. He usually has no physical attraction to them but then he notices this girl in the library. He goes to talk to her and she walks away because she has a dick and he follows her. She confesses to him she has a penis and he tells her he's into that kind of thing. They go out, get married, and adopt awkward children. Or he follows her and she confesses. He tells her he's super religious so he can't be with her yet. She doesn't see him for a month. Then out of nowhere he comes back and he got a sex change so they could be together.
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