September 30, 2011

Hungry Kevin

It had been three weeks since Kevin Humphrey had last eaten a cheeseburger. He was on a diet because he wanted to impress the new girl at work. He was walking home from the store one night when he saw a woman. The woman was sitting on a bench, alone. She was crying. Kevin was about to stop and talk to her out of concern, but his roommate called him called him just then and he rushed home. When he got to his apartment, his roommate told him that there was no more food left. The roommate and his friends had already finished it all. Kevin went to bed, hungry, and he thought of the woman. As he slept, her sadness haunted him like moonlight on a discarded cheeseburger wrapper.


  1. This was very interesting, Abby. I like the name. This writing exercise is also very mysterious. The woman who sits all alone and cries makes me sad. I think it'd be awesome if you added Kevin feeling very bad for her. I know he does indeed feel sorry for her, but if you show it a little more at the time when he first sees her, then it would add to the mysteriousness and the feeling of the whole piece. I think the reason Kevin had to run home could be a little more explained. You could perhaps explain what they meant by no more food left. I thought it was that there was no food left for dinner, but I'm pretty sure you mean no more food left at all.

  2. So this kid starves himself to get skinny for a girl. How does he know she likes overly skinny kids? Better yet, why should he care? Is this girl special to him or does he do something ridiculous every time he likes a girl? I feel like not enough information is given about this Kevin figure. Was there being no more food in the apartment really more important than tending to a crying girl? I think that Kevin should reflect on this and feel something. I'd also like to know what happens after he goes home. I feel like I was given unrelated events and they were never connected.