This scene was to build up tention, was it sucessful?
ACT II
Scene One
(Brie still hasn’t returned after 2 acts of clowns. Abby started getting worried, she pulled out her phone revealing that Brie left a voice message)
BRIE (Voice message)
Abby, its crazy outside, the FBI people are her surrounding the tent and not letting anybody in or out. Are you okay? Call me!
ABBY
(Calls Brie back but it went straight to voice mail, she hangs up. She looked around noticing that none of the people looked panic. She turned her head and continued watching the show.)
RING MASTER
RING MASTER
(Clapping his hand walking to the center)
That is one of my favorite acts!
(A zombie walks in slowly toward the Ring Master)
(A zombie walks in slowly toward the Ring Master)
Please, all audience member stay in their seat.
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
(Moans and keeps walking towards him. He reaches his hand out and tries to grab the ring master.)
RING MASTER
(Pushes the arm away. Screaming)
What are you!
What are you!
ZOMBIE
(Grabs him and pulls hit body closer to him then starts eating his face)
AUDIENCE
(Screams and panics to get out)
AUDIENCE #1
Every one get out of here!
Every one get out of here!
(He runs out and guns shots start)
very interesting i like this :)its kinda funny too
ReplyDeleteI think the beginning of the scene builds some tension but the end has too much action. Maybe you should add some more lines near the beginning of the scene where Abby was starting to get freaked out about where Brie is. Also, I think it's kind of weird how the ring master didn't try to run away from the zombie at all before it ate his face. I really liked the scene though, the characters seem pretty awesome. You might want to change the last character name to audience member #1 because audience #1 sounds like there's going to be an entirely different audience later. You might want to change it a little so that the audience starts to get freaked out when the zombie starts to go near the ring master, that might build some more tension.
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