I had to persevere,
I couldn't stop here.
This was not the end of the rope.
I was in pain,
There wasn't much to gain,
Yet, I refussed to give up hope.
I stared, in shock, at my severed hand,
As I continued bleeding on the land,
It was then, I began to weep.
It was a fight gone wrong,
It lasted too long.
My severed hand, I would keep.
Keep to remind me,
That the past was behind me,
And I had to continue to strive.
After it all,
I continued to ball,
But, still, I was alive.
- This is my first Publish, or Perish assignment. Does anyone have an feed back on how to elaborate on this poem without drowning the simplicity out?
You are absolutely right, the simplicity is what makes this poem stand out. I really enjoy the way to interprited the writting assignment and turned it into something this enjoyable. Other than nice job there isn't a whole bunch of feed back I can give. Although there is one part that maybe could possibly be fixed.
ReplyDeleteit was a fight gone wrong.
it lasted too long.
Just sounds a bit off, perhaps just flip it around so that it reads.
It lasted so long.
A fight so wrong.
My severed hand, I would keep.
pretty much the only thing I can say about this, nice job.
I really like this, Megan! I love the simplicity, much like Zach said, but I have a different idea of how to change that piece.
ReplyDelete"It last so long,
This fight gone wrong,
My severed hand, I would keep"
I say that because the "gone wrong" part sounds pretty good as it is. If you continued with maybe about the hand, possibly what it looked like, if you got it back on, something like that, it could add to your poem without taking away from what makes it easily read. Keep it up!