September 30, 2011

Under The World We Know part 2

Continuing to the story I put up last week. Please again tell ways I could further develop the characters and ways to continue the story.

Bion slid into pitch black darkness and fell face first into the cold floor. The cave was damp and smelled of copper. Water dripped from hanging stalactites and pooled on the ground in freezing puddles. Bion reluctantly pushed himself up and spat out dirt that had gone in his mouth. He reached for his helmet and switched on the light. The cave was illuminated instantly and Bion felt a little stress evaporate with the darkness. He saw his brothers blue life line and immediately the slight bit of relief he felt from his light disappeared. The line stretched in front of him and into a giant underground pit. It wasn’t taught so Carson mustn’t have fallen too far, but still Bion had to hold himself back from screaming his brother’s name. Any slight bit of noise might echo to cause a cave in, and no one wanted that. Slowly he crept up to the edge of the chasm, he crawled on his hands and knees to keep himself steady. Gulping he took a final lurch forward and found himself at the edge of the chasm.

Bion was trembling but he forced himself to look over the edge for his brother’s sake. The vertigo almost toppled him over but once his eyes steadied he saw his brother lying under a pile of debris on a ledge only a couple dozen yards down. Carson had been incredibly lucky; Bion couldn’t even see the bottom of the pit below the ledge, just darkness. Carson was awake and looked up at Bion pleadingly; he knew as well as his brother that if he yelled for him everything would collapse. But even without hearing it Bion knew what had to be done. He was going to have to face his fears and leap into the chasm.

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