^.^ Komm gelesen meinem Drehbuch

This is a scene in the screenplay that im wrighting in this class, by the way, Im failing pretty hard so I want it to be epic . Its this huge story, this is only a small part of it. Francis, the main character is a executive of a giant corporation that controlls the world. Id appreciate any and all feedback, specifically about the characters' character, I want them all to be unique. So let me know if they all sound like the same person or not.

Int. extravagant hotel bar
We see a timelapse of Francis knocking back beers and shots for the hour he spends at the bar, he must have drank 100 beers and 30 shots at least, the timelapse lasts 20 seconds, then time returns to it's normal pace to show Francis leaving the bar.

Int. suite 36
Francis enters the room. The men look excited to see him.

Ahmadinejad

We have talked in great detail of you, my friend.

We understand this is no small thing you ask of us,

but we also see that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

So we agree to your terms and look forward

to being great friends in the future.

Francis

Thats great news.

You won't need to pay us anything untill you recieve

your first ICBM. After that you'll have to pay first and

then you'll get your nukes, heres my card

(Francis hands him a card)

I...

(Francis' cellphone rings)

Sorry I have to take this.

Francis leaves the room and goes into the hallway then answers the phone

Francis

Hello?

Kevin

Sorry for interupting you dude,

If you were in the middle of something

I can always call you some other time.

Francis

Baccon! Absolutely not, I actually just finished

business here, they totally went for it dude!

Thats it man! We finally did it, we own the world!

Theres like 7 governments that aren't loyal to us.

... And they're pathetic!

Kevin

Damn..I always dreamt of this day, I just thought

it would feel...better.

Francis

What are you talking about!?

We are THE GODS!

Kevin

Yeah? Francis, we're not "gods"

because... gods don't die.

Francis

Is everything all right, cuz, you dont sound so good.

Kevin

Not so much, man, remember when we were kids,

always talking about that deep shit, how people spend

their whole lives without looking up, content with being slaves.

Francis

Uh, yeah... Dude, I remember that. Whats wrong

man, why are you telling me this?

Kevin

Because I'm dieing.

Francis

What?!

Kevin

Yeah, I guess I have cancer, I mean, I guess Ive

had it for awhile now, theres nothing I can do,

Ive got a year left to live, give or take.

Francis

No! This is bullcrap!

Listen, your not dieing, we have all the money in the world.

Rich people don't die damn it!

Kevin

Dude Im dieing, I got a year to live.

Francis

Can we discuss this later?

Kevin

Yeah, we'll do that.

Francis

(Francis hangs up the phone, then throws it at the wall)

Arrgh!