I reached over and calmy goused out his eyes, when suddenly my x box controller died, I was heated, I almost beat the level when boom
, I needed new batteries. I suddenly hear my brothers and his friends running upstairs, mom wants to take us out to for snow cones, I said
"not now" I'm almost done so I tell then to get out and grab my batteries and finish playing my game. I go down stairs to finally have then my mom take us out for snow cones.
As i read this and reread my writing, i notice somethings, what would you change to the ending or make the middle a little bit more interesting?
I would not change the middle, but i would definitly add more to it. I would add more details, and maybe also some dialogue from the main characters brother or mother. Or, if you wanted to make it a real short story, or even a novel, you could make the Xbox break, and the family could save up money for a new one, but maybe it would be a huge struggle. then at the end, they could buy a new one and celebrate by going out for snow cones. your story is very good though, so do not think that you must change it.
ReplyDelete