September 23, 2011

Stabbed in the Heart

       This is one of the writing exercises my Creative Writing class did for Mr. Greene, today, on September 23, 2011. It is about a first kiss that goes completely wrong and has been modified to possibly become a short story. I feel like it could, and maybe should, go farther, but I need ideas on how to further the plot and to develop the characters, if you please.
       He held my hands, making me shiver fervently as I stood, staring into his eyes. I smiled at him, wanting to get closer to him, studying the planes of his body subtly. I wanted to fall into his eyes, like the temptation of a water bed after a long hard day of pushing to the limit in work or athletics. I pushed away my thoughts, deciding I didn't want to scare him off just yet.
      "Is something wrong, Annie?" His voice, so deep and clear and calm, comforting my anxiety. I've been wanting this moment for years now, knowing of my own feelings for him since I first laid eyes on him back in September, almost four years ago now.
       "No, no. I'm fine, I promise." My reply, although not as reassuring as I had meant for it to be, went through my mind with certainty and then echoed in my ears as more of a question. Why is your voice interrupting my thoughts? I thought, thankfully not out loud.
       The next thing I know, he's wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in closer. Jarrod, the Zues of the football team, the gorgeous Jarrod, was bringing his lips to my cheek. Pressed there, he searched for my lips. Once he found them, he pulled me closer to share in the magic of our first kiss.
       And then our second, and then our third. It was more than just this magical and mystical feeling that I have coveted since Freshman year, but it was this passionate intensity that made me tingle in places I had long forgotten existed.
       His muscular arms held me without give, keeping my body to his as we kissed for what seemed like years. I cherished the moment, trying hard to remember that this may be the last time this happens, if a girl who's more to his speed came and snagged him away. At that second, I wasn't aware of how right I was that this moment would end sooner than I wanted, and I was unaware of how exactly it would end.
      I felt a sharp pain reverberating in my chest. My pulse dimmed, and I dropped to the ground. I writhed in pain, trying to catch Jarrod's eyes in my own. His were darker than I've ever seen them, and there was a slightly romantic- and kind of sexy- evil glowing within the deep pools of blue that I had been accostumed to relating to comfort.
      "I couldn't let anyone else have you, Annie. I love you too much for that." Jarrod's voice was ragged and more tenor than the baritone I have been hearing before. I lost conciousness for a moment and when it came back, my eyes drifted to the bloody knife he held so surely. I shivered uncontrolably as the pain became more intense.
      With my last breath, my last second of life, I saw him take his own. He fell next to me, his body pinning mine down, and all too soon the world went blank.

4 comments:

  1. It's a great idea for a short story. I think that maybe you could give a background to Annie and Jarrod. For example, What led to that date? When did they start dating? Who asked who out? Is there a reason that Jarrod takes such drastic measures? Other than that, the above passage would make a great ending. Or you could use that as the start of short story and have sa character try to figure how those two died? I would be interested to read it if you decide to develop it into a short story. I also think the details are great.

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  2. Thank you, Scarlett! I'll keep that in mind and maybe draw it out a bit when we get to the short story unit :)

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  3. This is a great story. made me almost cry. i agree with everything Scarlett said. good job!

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  4. Thanks :) I'll keep that in mind.

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