The ice cold winter
It was always quite dreadful
To leave the house full of warmth
Having to work and work
And only get sick in return
Why couldn't I for once,
Stay inside with the warmth
And my blanket
WIthout having a runny nose
Frost bite on my feet and nose
Hurt more and more
With each step and breath
Keep me out of
The Ice Cold Winter
This is one poem that I just came up with randomly, usually my poems aren't about Winter, but I thought since Winter was on it's way it'd be a good idea.
Is there anything I should change/add/take out? It's supposed to be like a poem from a good few years back when they didn't have heaters or anything and they had to work even when the Winters were so bad.
Hello. In the first two lines, I feel like the flow is quite awkward as it transitions from noun to it, which seems to be quite troublesome. Now, over all there isn't all to much of a rhyme; but I don't know if you were going for a rhyme or not, or it was meant to be simply read. Were you trying to use the word "warmth" to kind of breaking the whole thing in two? For example, the first "half" talked about what you had a do, and the second "half" explained what would happen and why you don't? Finally, I think that the biggest thing if you were to focus on one thing would be the imagery. I think that your poem lacks a sense of vividness. I want to feel your pain, the bitter cold, and the rewarding warmth from the blanket.
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