September 23, 2011

One mistake Too Many

This is a small part of my screenplay for creative writing. It's about a woman whose mind is too curious for her own good and enters a seemingly abandoned house. I like the idea for it but I'm uncertain if there's too much description in it for a screenplay. Any friendly advice would be welcome.


Ext. Random Street-7 pm

The street is dimly lit and is practically deserted except for ROSE who is going for her nightly walk.She stops in front of a worn down abandoned house. The house has tattered curtains, broken windows, and most of the wood appears to be rotted or partially rotted. The lawn shows lack of care with overgrown roots and dry grass. A face briefly appears in the left window then vanishes.


ROSE

(Approaches the house)

What was that?


The door creaks open and ROSE enters the house. The door swings shut behind her. ROSE, a little freaked out now, turns and tries to open the door. She is unsuccessful.


Int. Abandoned House- cont.

ROSE looks around and takes in the scenery. There's a tattered rug in the hallway she's in and a closet to her left as she starts to walk down the hallway. ROSE chooses to explore the house since she can't quite leave. She enters what appears to be a small bedroom with a large portrait on the back wall. She walks closer to the painting. It is of a young woman smiling happily and standing near what could be the husband.

1 comment:

  1. Hi! There isn't really a lot here for me to go off of; I would've liked a bit longer of a piece. However, it sounds like it could be and will be very interesting. There is a lot of description going on, so it gives it more of a story feel than a screenplay, but I have only written one screenplay before so I can't tell if it's too much. If you were still unsure, you could just leave the descriptions to what the reader needs to know. For example, the face in the window, and I'm guessing the portrait of the young woman smiling happily with her(maybe) husband. And I'm unsure if Rose saw the face in the window. If she did, why did she go into the house? Did her curiosity really overpower her senses to make her go into the house? Perhaps you could explain that she had other reasons for going into the house, or just explain that she was being stupid and went inside to see what was there. Overall, it was very interesting.

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