He's climbin' in your windows, he's snatchin' your people up...

It was a small school and soon all the halfway decent guys were taken. Then all the guys were taken, leaving Nadia with two options: her dog and her dad.
Then Antoinge moved into the district. He walked into Nadia's art class with pants around his ankles. This, of course, prompted a chorus of "pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!" From Nadia and her friends.
He was weighed down with bling, his hair was an afro, he was inspired by one Antoine Dodson. Most of all, he sat down right next to Nadia.
He smelt of cheap cologne, fried chicken, and Kool-Aid. Every time he went to grab something from the center of the table, a waft of his odor hit Nadia dead on. I nearly made her usually strong stomach up chuck each time.
Every day, Antoine would stroll into class with his exagerated swagger and would begin to tell elaborate stories to anyone who would listen.
"Yeah, me and my homies, we was like: 'Yo, Dr. Phil, you give some fine advice!' And Dr. Phil be like: 'Yo, Antoine! Dat you my homie?' And I be like: 'Hell yeah, Dr. Phil!' And he be like: 'I ain't seen you since you was dis small. How you been, Big A?' And I be like: I been good, workin' down at K.F.C...."

Alright, so...did you find it remotely humorous? In your mind, did you picture someone "ghetto" when it comes to Antoine?

Excerpt from Another Story

This is a longer excerpt, and sorry about the other failure post from a few minutes ago. Don't you love school computers and their tendency to freak out? Anyways, the only background you really need to know of this is that the two characters in this scene have only known each other for a couple of weeks and were dancers in a music video together. They are friends at this point, but aren't really sure if that's all they want to be.

“Are Chris and Kenny still fighting?”
Lani looked over at Jason when he sighed.
No, but they’re not getting along either. It’s really tense at our apartment,” Jason answered.
The Ferris Wheel cart jerked and the metal gave a loud creak. Lani’s muscles unconsciously tensed and she shut her eyes tightly.
“Are you excited that the music video is coming out tomorrow?”
Hesitantly, Lani opened her eyes. She then gave a noncommittal grunt.
Jason laughed and asked, “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” Lani lied. In truth, she was not happy about the video being done and coming out the next day because it meant she’d probably never see Jason or the other boys again.
“Wanna come to the viewing party with me tonight?”
“What?” asked Lani, surprised.
“Tomorrow night the whole band is going to go to this party where everyone watched the video, they congratulate us, then we just… party. It’s a lot of fun, and… I’d really like you to come with me.
“I-I’m not really much of a partier… You’d probably have more fun if-”
“No. I wouldn’t. Lani, please?”
The two got off the Ferris Wheel and began walking around the carnival. Lani was torn; if she said yes, she’d surely embarrass herself, but if she said no, her on extra night with Jason was gone.
“It’s not that I don’t want to…” she began nervously.
“Fine. Let’s make a bet. I bet I can…” he scanned their surroundings. “Win you that frog.”
Lani turned in the direction Jason was pointing and a huge smile formed on her lips.
“If I win,” Jason continued, smirking his signature smirk, “you have to come with me to the party.”
“I shan’t succumb to thine bribes,” Lani replied, jokingly using older English.
“Afraid I’ll win?”
“No!” Lani snapped. Then she added, “Besides, you wouldn’t really be winning. If I went with you, it’d be no fun. I can’t dance and I find mingling unpleasant.”
“Ah, but you won’t be mingling. You’ll be with me.”
“Yes, because there won’t be any other girls there who will want to party with you,” the brunette said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
“See, I thought of a solution to that, too.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“We make it a date.”
Lani looked up in surprise. Jason wasn’t looking at her, instead looking upwards at the sky. His cheeks were slightly flushed and he was pointedly ignoring her gaze.
“Well, if you put it like that,” she smiled. “I’ll go.”

What I want to know is: Is Lani too much of a prude? Are too many of her shy, self-doubting characteristics revealed in this one short scene? Is she real or too exaggerated?

The Vocab Quiz We just took

It was autum, 2011. Nothing particular came o this anouncement of mounth, it just simply stated what it was. Ryan was sitting at the cafe table waiting for his girlfriend to finally show up, he was going to end their relationship. He just didn't want to deal with her anymore.
Ryan found Senisa to be such a killjoy; when he was with other people he had so much more fun, but if she was added into the equation he felt like he wasn't allowed to have fun anymore. Maybe it was that he felt she was a nudnick, so anoying that he felt the fun just be sucked out of him.
He looked up to hear the door ringing. It was Senisa. He looked over to her with rancour, trying to help prepare her for the fall. She looked for him for a while, then found him and sat down next to him and tried to kiss him, but he dodged it.
He decided not to waste any time, "I'm sorry but I don't think this relationship is going to work anymore."
She seemed to expect it, "You realize that if you go through with this, my rats might end up running amok in your house for a weekend."
"I'm going to take that risk."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She stood up, "It's not like I'm some sort of hussy or anything."
"You're not, it's just that-"
"I even brought you chocolates. Here you go," She said as she threw them at him.

I know it's not cheesy, I got that.
Do you think that there is enough break-up-ness? Sounds good?

do you get what this is talking about?

He walked over to the window, pulled the deep blue ruffled curtain from his way, and rested his head against the glass. Barely there and rarely noticed, he thought as he looked at the translucent face reflecting back at him. Tim was a nice boy; very quiet and introverted. Stuff like this really seemed to tick him off, though. It was aggravating, having to listen to it all the time. It was like a radio stuck on a staticy station with no off button. Who the hell wants to listen to that? Yeah. Exactly.......

“What is that?” the man asked from the corner of the room.
Timothy turned, “what?” he replied.
“That. What is that?” The man pointed to a small paper in the middle of the floor that had a dirty shoeprint on it. Timothy knew it was there, but he avoided looking at it.
“I don’t know,” he said as he put his head down.
The man walked over, bent down and picked the paper up off the floor.

Dr. Simula C. Nulsin, Psychiatrist
West Andinn St, MA (421) 826-4839

“They told me I had to stop listening to you, Timothy began. I can’t let you take me into this world with you anymore, it’s not real. You’re not real.”
Timothy felt the man’s presence weaken.......

Patrisc was sitting on the edge of her bead, a pillow rested on her lap. Timothy let the dog down and she jumped up on the bed.
“We have to go get my prescription,” he said.

a world without adults

Simon woke up at 6:10 to get ready for school like he always does he was kind of excited because tomorrow was his 18^th birthday. After he got out of the shower and got dressed he stumbled down stairs to the kitchen. He sat down at the table and noticed his breakfast wasn’t there yet. He yelled out to him mom, no answer. Then to his dad, again no answer. Simon went outside to see if the cars were gone, and they weren’t. He had no idea what was going on or why this was happening. He thought to himself, maybe this is just a birthday joke and they are going to hop out any second but they didn’t. Simon knew something was going on but he didn’t know what yet, so he got in his car and went to school, little did he know that everyone under 13 and everyone over 18 has disappeared. He realized that when he got to the school and all of his younger friends were there but none of his older ones, and all of the teachers was gone. They had complete freedom to do whatever they wanted to, this was like a dream come true. This was going to be the best day of their lives. So Simon and a few of his close friends went down to the mall to get a bunch of stuff because it’s all free now that there are no adults around. People didn’t go to work because they knew their boss was gone. No one stopped to think during all this fun that Simon will be 18 tomorrow. What will happen to him? When the next day came everyone slept in, no one had to go to school or work anymore. It was like summer all the time, but Simon was nowhere to be found. His friends looked for him everywhere but they couldn’t find him. They all got scared thinking that they are going to disappear when they turn 18 too. It was a scary thought but they all just embraced it and tried to live life to the fullest while they were still here.

Its Destiny because of a Dog!

One day Natalie was walking down the street and she saw a stray dog. She didn’t think anything of going to get it until she saw a car driving up the street as the dog was walking into the street. She dropped all of her bags and started to run but when she dropped her bags the eggs and grape juice exploded on her new white dress. But she didn’t care, as she ran out into the road and stopped the car she picked up the dog and walked to the side of the road. The driver of the car pulled over and got out. It was a man he stood about 6 foot and had the athletics body. Natalie blushed like she has never seen a man like this before. He asked her if she and the dog were both ok and she answered with a yes. She stood up to greet him and as she stood up he looked at her dress and grinned. She was so embarrassed she had forgotten about the eggs and juice she quickly kneeled back down. He took her hand and said that there was nothing to be embarrassed about it happens to everyone. They began to talk some more. Then the exchanged numbers. Later on in the day she got a text from the man. His name was Makiah. They began to talk more and more everyday and went out on numerous dates. Months have passed on now and they have started to fall in love with each other. The decided to get a place together. They both really like dogs so they said what the heck let’s get a dog. They went to the humane society and saw the dog that they had rescued. They both thought to themselves that she was the perfect dog for them because she is the one that brought them together in the first place. They went on for years and years together and they got married and started a family. Not too long after they had their second child they had found out that their dog was going to have babies as well. They were so happy. Then they lived happily ever after.



I would like to know what things I should add to this story to make it more interesting to the readers. Is there anything I should take out. Even reword?

best friends

Amelia and Jen were bestfriends, they did everything together. Went shopping, wore eachothers clothes, told eachother everything. Seeing one with out the other was very rare, they were pretty much inseperatable. They shared one not so good thing in common as well, they both had a crush on the same guy, Jake. Jake was the quarterback of the highschool, and an unbelieveably good looking guy. His hair was brown and curly, but not too long. Jen and Amelia always fought over who was going to date him, and that was one of the only things they ever got mad at eachother over. Amelia was the head cheerleader at their school and you would think that her and Jake would be the perfect couple. One day in math class Jake asked Jen out for coffee after school, she immediately agreed and she was so excited, but she couldn’t tell Amelia. It was a Friday afternoon and Jen and Amelia always go out afterschool, so when Jen said she couldn’t, and Amelia was hurt.
(one hour later) At the coffee shop Jen and Jake flirted over lattes and a slice of boston cream pie, then she noticed Amelia walk in. She was hoping Amelia didn’t notice so she continued talking as if she wasn’t there. A few minutes later Amelia had walked over and poured her strawberry smoothie all over Jen’s head. Jen took what was left of the pie and smacked her in the face with it. When they both took a look at each other they both laughed, and agreed that no boy was worth fighting over.

I wrote this for a writing exercise we had. Any suggestions to make this piece better? what information can you tell about the characters aftering reading this?

Careless and Free...

Soaring like a bird, flying through the clear skies, the bubble floats with its friends. There are children playing, laughter is heard. The bubble lists lazily in the air, flying far. One of the children pokes it, it pops. It is no more. The children blow more of the colorful spheres, setting them off into the sky, waiting to be destroyed again. It’s the creation of something and the end of something that makes the children so fascinated. More bubbles fly. More pop. One drifts in the breeze, catching itself onto another bubble, making a deformed bubble. It floats down and hits the ground, popping as it hits. They clump together, the clusters of bubbles hitting the ground from being heavy. It’s like life. Many are created; some do their own thing while others stay together and form a bond. The popping represents sickness and death. The children represent the creators, making more life to be.

Yeah, so that's a little thing from a thing I wrote for a thing. Spheal with it. I thought it was cute, I think. What do you think about it, what could be better or what?

Another Writing Exercise

Jeff was the last man on Earth. He was in his safe room, securely shut to make sure no one could get in. He was playing a video game he had played about a thousand times and it involved saving the planet.
“Yay, I saved Earth, again. Woohoo” Jeff said in a monotone voice
Jeff just stared at his TV, wondering why he had to be the last man on Earth. He would have preferred to be one of the many to be wiped out by the plague, but he had built up some immunity to the virus somehow. He then started to think, if he was the last person alive, what was the point?
“There is no point. I don’t need to be alive; I don’t have to be alone anymore.” Jeff said to himself.
He looked toward his table next to his bed, looking at his gun. He slowly walked over to it, and slowly picked it up and sat down on his bed. Jeff stared at the gun, as thoughts were flying through his head.
“I don’t have to be alone anymore,” Jeff said to himself again.
Jeff raised the gun to his head, gently rapped his finger around the trigger and closed his eyes. Finger on the trigger slowly increasing the pressure pushing on it, Jeff was ready to fire, when he heard a knock on his door and what sounded like a faint voice. Jeff opened his eyes quickly, and put the gun away from his head. Jeff waited a couple of seconds, thinking it was just his imagination playing tricks on him, when he heard the knock again, and the faint voice seemed to be stronger. Jeff slowly got up from his bed and walked across the room and to the door, still holding the gun. He slowly undid all the locks and turned the handle and opened the door.

Did you feel any suspense? What do you think should be behind the door?

Unforgotten

On the way to the Shamrocks of Hell headquarters, I kept thinking of the day that Peta managed to attack me and contemplated on ways to kill the bastard. My first idea was to have a clean shot in the head between the eyes but that was quickly thrown out because I want him to suffer. My next idea was to beat him up to near death and put a motion pressure explosive in his hand and wait for him to kill himself. That seemed like the best way for him to die and to suffer the way I suffered. After I had finally got done thinking of the way he was going to die, I had arrived at the headquarters.
First things first, I had to surveillance the area to throw the explosives that Matt had made especially for this mission. After close evaluation, I noticed that the East wall was the more susceptible target. I started to get the explosive ready to be fired when I noticed at the corner of my eye that Peta O’ Keefe was arriving at the headquarters. Not realizing it, my anger at seeing that man, caused the explosive to start counting down and I only had a few mere seconds to throw it without being seen or killing Peta. Without hesitation, I threw the device in hopes it wouldn’t kill Peta but hopefully scare him into hiding to make the hunt more fun. Luckily it did just that, the bomb went over the wall and exploded scaring Peta further into the headquarters.

Do you think there is enough detail? Anything i could add to make the story more suspenseful?

The Doppelganger from HELL...

Brie walked in her dream house that was bought after winning the lottery. When all of a sadden she sees a shadow on the wall. Brie walks cautiously over with her knife, with dyed blood on it, in hand. When she turned the corner she says herself looking at herself in the mirror.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”

“I’m the inner you darling, I’m Nina your doppelganger!”

“W… what do you mean ‘MY’ inner self?”

“Indeed I am you darling. I’m exactly like you, except better looking and I have more skill then you… now do you see?”

“Y… Yes I get it now! You may be like me in every way, but you aren’t skilled like me at all!!!”


I need some help extending this story. What do you think I should do next? Does Brie sound like a somewhat real person?

(Five Finger Death Punch: Bleeding) would be my song because of last year losing a good friend Kevin M. This song it makes me thing of the people I have lost and losing for in your life it hunts. Every time it hurts it with make me stronger I have lose a lot of people in my life and this song kind of helps me out. It gets me think of things of all the time spent with the people that die and it make me happy. It makes me think. What can I do to keep them with me? Like with Kevin he ever went paintballing and me and my friends go every 4/11 paintballing for him to remember him. I lose a good friend chuck he was a friends farther and he would drive my around for my winter job shoveling. When it snows I think of him at it make me sad in side. This song has helped me a lot in my life and that is why I picked it.

RIP

Kevin

Libido Trail

Egypt, 1472. Four-hundred ninety-nine years prior to the ballistic pink augmentation of Phirsh Deluxe’s entire musculature. The man whose body will eventually contain that musculature is racing violently through the crowded markets of Cairo, converting shoppers into former pedestrians at the mighty waffle-ironed hooves of his nog-powered synthetic buffalo. This man is Thorsten D. Lochs, a scholastic bastard on his way to the Nepalese badlands, where his wife eagerly awaits him. His supply of nog is dwindling, and the reserve tank on his buffalo has long since gone rancid. Thorsten ventures onward to reunity with absolutely no regard to what surrounds him.


What do you think? I myself am having mixed feelings about the prominence of the character's unmodified name. It is supposed to be an obvious parralel but I suspect the way in which I have presented it is far from subtle.

Porsche

When I went outside there was a red Porsche 911 Turbo sitting right in front of the door at the cheap Holiday Inn I had stayed at. I looked at it in awe, and then proceeded to walk towards Chestnut Street until I saw a cab. While walking I stuck my hand inside my left pocket to grab my cell phone. When I reached in my pocket I felt a set of keys, I knew the keys weren’t mine because I had nothing that required keys. I pulled the keys out and saw a silver key, with rich black leather above the key, the Porsche logo glimmered in the center of the leather with the gold corners and the surrounding black and red striped corners complimented the key.
A chilling feeling shot through my body as I remember the beautiful, candy apple red Porsche parked outside the hotel. I turned and sprinted back towards the hotel. It had happened again my subliminal thoughts treated me to a brand new Porsche.


Does this give you, the reader a give idea of what the character is seeing and feeling?

Beginning of story

Irving the Bunny hopped around in his room. He had always longed to get outside ad be adventurous. He did not have this luxury though. He was stuck in the confine of his house with his grandmother. “Irving!” his grandmother yelled up “Get down here and rub ointment on my bunions!” Irving dreaded living with his grandmother. She was needy, controlling, smelly, and didn’t let him out of the house. “Coming grandma!” Irving yelled down. Irving hopped down the stairs and started over towards his grandmother. “Took you long enough. I could have died in the time it took you to get down here.” his grandmother said. “Sorry grandma” he said as he hopped over and grabbed the ointment.

Irving squeezed the bottle and the ointment onto his grandmother’s foot. He was about to start when, BANG, suddenly the door flew off and a great eagle appeared. As the door flew off it hit Irving’s frail, old grandmother killing her instantly. Then, without hesitation, the eagle swooped in and grabbed Irving. “Let me go!” Irving yelled as he was whooshing around in the claws of the eagle. “I cannot do that.” The eagle said in a voice that was stern, but true. “I am on a mission. I must get you to Gorgath’s Great Mountain Fortress.” said the eagle.

Does this excerpt draw you in? Does it make you want to read on?

Story Section~3/7

“Okay, I’m coming.” Her mom said harshly. As she stood up, she stumbled and nearly fell over. She then looked into the pot on the stove. “Spaghetti, again?”
“Yeah, there isn’t much else to have.”
“There’s plenty of other stuff. Are you trying to tell me that I don’t provide for you, Ellie?”
“I looked in the cabinet; this was all that was left.”
Her mother was now infuriated. She tipped over the pan of warming spaghetti sauce. It went all over the kitchen floor. “Do you see what you make me do Eleanor?” she screamed. “You’re always messing things up around here! And you wonder why your father won’t come home!”
“He’s in the army, Mom. He’d come home if he could…Can you please stop blaming me for him not being around? I miss him just as much as you do, if not more.”
“You’re so young. You’ll never understand. You’re such a mistake!” She yelled, as she stormed out the door, to the back yard.
Ellie sat in the kitchen going over what just happened, in her head. She knew that there was no excuse for her mother’s behavior. Just because she drank a lot, didn’t mean that Ellie deserved the way her mother had been treating her.
A few seconds later, Ellie heard a loud noise, almost like someone had fallen. As she ran toward the back door to see what happened, she heard he mom cussing and crying. Sure enough, she fell down the stairs...again.
“Here,” Ellie offered a hand, “let me help you inside.”
“I don’t need your help.” Her mom grumbled, while trying to lift herself off the ground; and falling back down.
“Please?” Ellie asked kind-heartedly, and she offered another helping hand. This time, her mom accepted, and Ellie helped her to her bedroom.

What kind of feeling do you get from reading this portion of my story? What do you take out of this about Ellie a charactor? If you have any suggestions for further defining her character, please let me know.

Does the Intro grab your interest, if not, what could I fix?


The man stood in silence with a weathered hood cloaking his countenance. The courtesans weren’t the only beauty that filled the room that night. Red and Gold tapestries hung from the ceiling, and the townsfolk remained on their feet, waiting. He slowly drew his eyes around the room from left to right. Suddenly, a cheer that began at the entrance of the amphitheatre broke the silence. His head darted to the right in attention to the excitement. There walked the King whom presented an unmatched confidence as he walked towards his throne. Giving no mind to it, he’d gently wave his hand in random directions and smile. The man was breathing very deeply at this point, and grasped the handle of his blade tightly. He could feel the tendons in his forearm and wrist clenching. The guards all shouted in unison, “Hail!” raising their spears. Just as the King turned to acknowledge his guards, the hooded man began walking towards the king quickly. The townsfolk had rested their cheer just enough that the sound of the hooded man’s blade unsheathing was heard by all those within earshot. The King turned to take his seat, but instead faced his fate. The man stabbed the King quickly into the stomach pulling him close to him. He wrapped his arm around his head and with conviction whispered, “For my Father”. The King let out a painful grunt and stumbled back falling to one knee, as the blood quickly began to stain his opulent fabrics.

This is one of the opening scenes in my story. Does it draw you in, or does it bore you?

“Take one step onto our isle and it will be the last thing you ever do.” Hippolyte yelled in warning. The men stopped rowing. The messenger stood in the gently bobbing boat and called back “Queen Hippolyte! I bring a message from Lord Laertes. He says that the year he gave you to consider his marriage proposal is spent. I am to return with your answer. Will you have his hand, or will you choose to suffer the consequences of refusing him?” 

“Wasn’t the disappearance of his last messenger answer enough? Pride ill fits a man. Laertes wants the prowess of being the first man to wed an Amazon, and the Queen no less. Does he also hope to gain our fealty in the process?” Hippolyte muttered to her companions.

“The king also asked me to remind you that we will release a beast as fierce as the chimera on you if you choose to reject him.”

“I have a better answer, Herald.” Hippolyte called back. She pulled out her sword and tilted her arm back. She flung the sword at the Herald. It flipped through the air in a hypnotizing arch and severed the Herald’s arm before he had the sense to move. He screamed piercingly and collapsed backward into the water writhing about. Lyka and the two Amazons beside her used the time while the men were distracted by Hippolyte’s sword to rush to boat and silt the throats of the five guards that accompanied the Herald.

Hippolyte waded out into the blood tinted water and caught hold of the remaining man. She pulled his face close to her and hissed, “I believe Laertes is not lying about sending a beast to plague us. He may be loathsome, but he is no idiot. He wouldn’t call such a dangerous bluff. My spies have informed me that the people of Athens, at least, believe that Laertes does indeed have a mighty monster with claws that drip venom. But he made the mistake of taking his sweet time waiting for my reply. All the while we have been preparing for battle. Let him send his beast. We will feast on its flesh before coming for his head.”

The Fugitive

“So what’s this all about?” I asked quietly. Even though it was loud and crowded, I was worried that some FBI guy had followed me or something.
“It’s hard to explain.” he whispered back in his deep Irish brogue.
“Well, try!” I said urgently.
“Alright. You remember the Uncle I told you about? The one in the IRA?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well, last Monday he called me up and asked me to help him with some work he had. He just moved to America so I figured it had to do with unpacking.” He stopped for a minute, trying to gather his thoughts.
“Let me guess, he didn’t need help unpacking.” I prompted when he remained silent.
“No he didn’t. He asked me to drive him to the bank with a couple of his friends. I feel like such a fool now, that I didn’t realize he was gonna rob the damn place. When they got back into the car, this alarm started going crazy. My uncle put a gun to my head and told me to drive. I didn’t have a choice; he would’ve killed me in a heartbeat.” He looked down at his feet in shame.
“Well the FBI will understand! It’s like you said, you had no choice! We’ll just go and talk to Special Agent Victor Lane and we will get everything straightened out.”
“It’s not that easy.” Fallon said, looking miserable. “If we go to the police my uncle will have me killed and anyone I’m involved with.” He gave me a sidelong glance. “That means you.”
“Then we will just have to run away together. We can go to California or Wyoming. I don’t care as long as I’m with you.”
He finally gave me a small smile and nodded his head slowly. “I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Let’s get out of this joint!” I exclaimed. I grabbed Fallon by the hand and rushed as fast as I could through the crowded pub. When we were finally on the sidewalk, we linked arms and walked back to my apartment to pack. I told Fallon to wait across the street and hurried up the stairs, two at a time.
This is an excerpt from my third story about a man being hunted by the FBI. I feel like this is a lame reason. Any Suggestions?

An excerpt

Then the next morning came as if nothing had happened at all. John got up and sneaked a glance at the digital clock at his bedside. 12:03pm. Ouch…he was going to get killed by his father, who insisted that “all real Asians” woke and slept early. John sighed wearily and stalked his way to the bathroom, nearly tripping over several paint canvases scattered on the ground.
He looked into the mirror and his reflection stared back; boring black eyes under a mop of unruly black hair. At barely 5’3”, he had to be the shortest senior -scratch that- shortest guy in his entire high school. He also happened to be the only one without a cell phone, girlfriend, or friend at that matter. At least, he thought, I can move out now that I’m eighteen, although deep within, John knew he would never have the courage to cut himself away from his safe but sorry current life.
He found a black package taped to the door. John groaned. It was probably another video game from his father. He was right. He was about to toss it in his pile of seventeen other video games when he read the title. “The Adventures of John’s Quest to the Truth”, it read. He frowned; of course his father would get a video game like this.
John yawned, and since he found nothing better to do, he popped the video game he never wanted into the game console he also never wanted. The TV buzzed and flashed a few times from lack of use. “Select a Character,” voiced the game.

**yawn** Did I create a believable character?