Irving the Bunny hopped around in his room. He had always longed to get outside ad be adventurous. He did not have this luxury though. He was stuck in the confine of his house with his grandmother. “Irving!” his grandmother yelled up “Get down here and rub ointment on my bunions!” Irving dreaded living with his grandmother. She was needy, controlling, smelly, and didn’t let him out of the house. “Coming grandma!” Irving yelled down. Irving hopped down the stairs and started over towards his grandmother. “Took you long enough. I could have died in the time it took you to get down here.” his grandmother said. “Sorry grandma” he said as he hopped over and grabbed the ointment.
Irving squeezed the bottle and the ointment onto his grandmother’s foot. He was about to start when, BANG, suddenly the door flew off and a great eagle appeared. As the door flew off it hit Irving’s frail, old grandmother killing her instantly. Then, without hesitation, the eagle swooped in and grabbed Irving. “Let me go!” Irving yelled as he was whooshing around in the claws of the eagle. “I cannot do that.” The eagle said in a voice that was stern, but true. “I am on a mission. I must get you to Gorgath’s Great Mountain Fortress.” said the eagle.
Does this excerpt draw you in? Does it make you want to read on?
Well Pure Awesome, that short blurb had me laughing. To answer your question, yes, I would read the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteI had another laugh at the "Get down here and rub ointment on my bunions!” part, although I already read it; which is a good sign. Knowing the rest of the story, I think you chose the place to cut it off really well.
ReplyDeleteMy only complaint is the pacing of the plot. It seems a bit rushed, and always remember to start a new paragraph at new dialogue!!!!