March 25, 2011

Part of short story 'Undeterminable'

...What Kelsey didn’t realize, was that Alisha was also extremely upset by the loss of their father. She would admit, if asked, that she was nowhere near as close to him, as he and her younger sister had been; but nonetheless, he was her dad too. Alisha felt a lot of guilt for leaving when she did, and saying some things she said to him. Her and her father’s last conversation had not been a pleasant one, and she regretted much of what she said. Now she would never have the opportunity to apologize, or tell him that she loved him.
It was a warm, sixty degrees outside. The two girls had the car windows down; letting the humid breeze dance across their faces.
There was music playing now to slice through the awkward silence between them. They still, had nothing to say to one another- not yet. They shared an occasional glance at each other, and made eye contact. It only took a few short seconds for Alisha to refocus on the road in which, she was driving along and Kelsey would then focus her melancholy gaze, out the passenger-side window.
Finally, they pulled into the driveway of a large, yellow house. It looked like it was two-stories, from the outside. In front, were rose bushes and what looked like lilies; but Kelsey was not certain. There were tons of windows. From the driveway, Kelsey saw an open bay window on the first floor. A dim light was glowing from inside, and the unfamiliar scene made Kelsey uneasy.
“Are you coming?” Alisha asked sweetly, as she got out of her car.
“Yeah…” Kelsey replied with hesitation. “This is your house?”
“Well, it’s our house now. Welcome to our humble abode.”
“Th-Thanks.” she said unsteadily.

I know you're a little blind about what exactly is going on, but how are the descriptions in this section of my short story? If they aren't giving you a vivid image, what would help?

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