March 25, 2011

a part of my short story, Missing...

After the meeting with Ernest, Nina went back to her room to look for the KEY. She looked everywhere, in her room, for that thing. Then she began looking in her parents’ office.
“What the hell was that?” she looked around the room to see where the noise was coming from. The noise sounded like a faint murmur or low moaning, it was coming from the closet. She took her pocket knife from her pocket, and headed towards the door. Without thinking she opened the door and turned on the light, it was Alfred. The closet was very small inside do to the shelve that went for the top of the closet to the bottom full of paper and other office supplies. Alfred looked extremely cramped do to his size.

He was tied up with chains with a lock on it, and gagged. She undid his gage and tried to pick the lock to release the chains.

“Nina, are you all right?”

“Yes... yes I am why and what happened to you?”

“Early this morning there was a knock on the door and I thought that it was Ernest being
extremely early again.”

“What do you mean, I just saw you ten minutes ago.”

“It's not safe here anymore... Nina what did I look like?”

“You looked like you... except for a small tattoo of a pale blue dragon by his collarbone and a scar over his left eye.”

“Go up to your room then pack a bag of clothes, and stuff you can't live without. Ok?”

“Ok, but why?”

“That man wants you dead.”

“WHAT... why?”

“That man belongs to a gang called The Sunil Drakes. The Sunil Drakes kill people who
know about rare military security or anything to have that could make a “breach” in the system… And their symbol is a pale blue dragon.”

to be continued...
What should I do to add more suspense in this passage?

No comments:

Post a Comment