March 18, 2011

From one of my short stories, "A Wonderful Life"

Do these characters seem real and believable (especially the daughter)? Should more go into their description?

Jim and Juliet Carlson, often referred to by neighbors as the “Ken and Barbie” of their street, lay asleep in the master bedroom of their two-story suburban home. Jim, the co-owner and manager of the local sporting goods store “J and J Sports”, and the assistant coach of his son Adam’s little league baseball team, was known by many across the town as a stand-up, classy guy. He was a loving father, a good husband and a smart business owner. His wife, Juliet, was equally efficient and justly compatible. Like Jim she was also a co-owner of the store, but rarely had much to do with the business side of things. She would make her monthly appearances to double-check inventory and occasionally put her two-sense into the outlook of the store, but nothing more. Instead, Juliet spent the bulk of her days tending to their home and caring for their three children. She was a typical 1950s house wife, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Catherine, the couples’ eldest daughter of 15 years, often was what forced the most stress on their lives. She behaved just like any girl of that age would: she had a bad attitude towards them and her brother and sister, she dressed like a prostitute, and had become infatuated with boys. Nothing they would do to turn her around would help, and she was getting around the age when her actions would start to be met with serious consequences. Jim and Juliet thought it was only a matter of time before she was overcome with sex and drugs. But they still had time.

1 comment:

  1. You put together a very believable family. I would like to see the parents be firmer with their daughter(which I suspect you are leading up to based on your last sentence.) They seem like the perfect parent types that can't stand the humiliation of having such a loose daughter.