March 25, 2011

Excerpt of Arta's Adventure: Arta v. Irene

Then four years later, after dating for so long, Garrett finally proposed to Arta, they are about in their early twenties. They married at a big church hall in Seoul. Everyone was there; it was extravagant and elegant wedding.

“Congratulations!” Kisara and Harmony said at the same time. They were standing with their husbands. Everyone there congratulated them. Arta and Garrett got in their limo and headed for the airport. They went to Hawaii for their honeymoon. They went scuba diving, surfing, had dinner on the beach, and went to the water park. About two week later when they got back from the honeymoon, she found out she was six months pregnant. A few years later, they had three kids; two boys and one girl. Their names were Yumi Rider (eldest daughter), Alex Rider (eldest son), and Damion Rider (youngest son). During those years of being pregnant, she still worked but just taking it easy. Garrett was working with Arta’s father at JangNa Corp at the time too but still had time to take care of work and Arta. When the children were born, Garrett and Arta took time off of work. But when they got a little older Arta and Garrett went back to work but no late nights. They lived happy and joyful life with their three kids.

Is this a good ending to the story? Does it have too much detail? If it does, how can I improve?

1 comment:

  1. I'm not one for completely happy endings. However, that's just my outlook on things. The detail is good, but I think you should exercise the use of other narrative themes beside description. Also, I noticed that the excerpt had little to no plot. It's easy to include such a large amount of information when you have plot to tie with it.
    Also, if you want to keep the ending as it is, I would change up the story a bit. The ride is too smooth; almost like they were good at the beginning, good at the middle, and good in the end as well.