March 25, 2011

Another passage from my Short Story "A Wonderful Life"

How is the action and dialogue described in the scene?

Juliet, while holding a sleeping Marcie in her arms, stands on the outside of Adam’s room and watches Jim as he makes his way down the staircase. She turns her head in disagreement and enters the bedroom. “Adam honey, come on wake up. Wake up baby, we need to go get your sister,” she says yanking on his sleeve.

“Mom? What’s wrong?” he says still half asleep.

“Just get up Adam, we need to leave.” He sits up with his eyes still closed and gets out of bed. Juliet, while continuing to hold Marcie over her shoulder, takes Adam’s left hand and begins walking out of the room. When they get to the door the sound of gunfire pierces through the house, rendering Juliet motionless. The sound immediately propels her and the kids backwards onto the bed in grave fear. Marcie wakes up and begins to cry. Tears well up in Juliet’s eyes as her heart begins beating double its normal rate.

“Mom, what was that?” Adam asks. “Was it a gun?”

Juliet, still shocked by what she just heard, continues lying on the bed coddling her two children in each arm. Her life begins flashing before her eyes as she thinks about the possibility of that loud noise resulting in the death of her husband and children’s father. She pictures him lying still on the floor of their dining room gasping for his last, dying breaths. Then she loses it. Adam looks up at her noticing tears tumbling off her cheeks and can’t help himself but do the same.“Mom! Was that a gun?” he asks again.

“Yes, honey. It was.”

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