March 25, 2011

Get Out, or Die Trying (Excerpt)

There is an annoying drip of water, or some kind of liquid in the corner of this cell. It seems like I am underground somewhere, because this room has no windows, or glass to see out of. It has one door that is locked and blends into the cement walls that surround it. The only reason that I know it is a door is one, because I was half conscience when we walked in; and two, because there is a barred window at the top of the door. I wish I could remember why I was here, or how I got here. Last thing I remember was casually walking down my street to Mrs. Null’s home. And after that I recall waking up in a dimly lit hallway that smells, almost as strongly as this room being carried by a man. I can’t recollect what exactly he looks like because it was nearly impossible to open my eyes; it felt as though weights were holding my eyelashes down.

Can you picture the anxiety from the character's perspective?


  1. I can picture the character's anxiety very well. She is in this very peculiar situation with barely any recollection of what happened. It is easy to see how such a situation could make a person very anxious and scared.

  2. I could picture it but I got confused with the room at the beginning like it has no windows and then it had barred windows. So try to not confuse the reader because it might confuse them too. Also i wasn't sure if it was a girl or boy who was trapped in the room. But it was a good perspective of what is happening to the person.