This was a writing exercise that we had to call Brian 27, but it doesn't have much to do with Brian or 27. It's from the perspective of a Hostess cake; in this case, a Swiss Roll. Do you think these are reasonable concerns that a snack cake would have? What do you think of it?
The fleshy ones are back again. I fear for my people; my fellow Swiss Rolls. I can't see them in the darkness of the pantry, but I can hear their panicked murmuring. "Brian!" my sister calls out to me. "Brian, they're coming!" I tell her to hush. If they hear us, we're all doomed. Their thundering footsteps are getting closer. Everyone freezes. The pantry door creaks open and the rotund face of a toddler fills our line of vision. I hold back a scream. This porker has been known to be particularly barbaric with his snacks. He decapitates Oreos and slowly licks out their insides! Talk about torture. I hope with all my cream that he won't choose one of us. Unfortunately, my hoping isn't enough. He reaches his grubby hands forward. I think he's aiming for my sister, but it's me he grabs instead. I'm relieved that she is safe, but now I'm in the hands of the monster. For the love of cake, why me?!?! He peels open my packaging and drops me on the counter. I hear my family screaming from the pantry, but thankfully the child doesn't. Their cries nearly bring me to tears, that is, if I had tear ducts. The young boy lifts me off the counter and starts to peel off my chocolate coating. Oh, sweet sugar, this is agony! When he finishes devouring my skin he starts to unroll me on the table. With sticky hands he scoops out my cream. I'm giving into the darkness now, thankful for the reprieve from pain. This darkness seems much darker than that of the pantry. Mostly, I think, because now, I am utterly alone.
Aw, this is so sad. I admire your writing style and how the story went from funny to sad. The one thing that I would change about this story is that it seems to switch from a funny story and then reapidly transition into a sad ending. The whole saga of the sad pasty on the journey into a fat kids mouth is entertaining. Even the sweet curses that he uses are adorable. And then suddenylt the story becomes depressing on the last note. I think if you make the ending more similar to the tone of the rest of the story it will be a really well rounded and extremely entertaining story! (:
ReplyDeleteThis story is awesome. It made me laugh and at the end, it made me sad. Brian is a really adorable snack cake. I can tell simply from reading this. I wish it was longer and that there were pictures. I feel like this could be a really disturbing children's book or a really good article in a magazine. The only part that I thought was kind of unnecessary was the first sentence. By "the fleshy ones" I assume you mean the people, but it sounds kind of creepy. It sounds like the people have an unusually large amount of skin or something. I would consider changing that to something equally frightening, but less confusing. All in all, I loved the story. It was a really good look into the life of a swiss roll
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