Yo I wrote this for a Writing Exercise. I know it's already really good but what can I do to make this story more exciting? What can I do to make this story a little sexier? I really want to get people going when they read this story. But please have some respect and keep it clean while reading this. Thanks homies, p3@c3
Brian the funny bone sat in the cabinet as he had been doing for the past week. He was the most delicious of the snack called and everyone loved him. He had lasted the longest, however, because he got stuck at the bottom of the box. No worries for Brian, though. More time for him to chat up those sexy twinkies. "Hey baby, I see you haven't been chosen yet either. What do ya say we and you have some fun?" Brian said to the last of the twinkie honeys. He had converted the empty funny bone box to the ultimate bachelor pad complete with wrapper carpet, a bread bed, and when the box was closed, the ultimate mood lighting. "C'mon, honey. Don't be scared, my twinkie goddess." Right as the twinkie was entering his ultimate box, a big, pale hand reached in and snatched her. He was now completely alone. he sighed as he turned to the right and saw the granola bars sitting next to him. "Hey baby, how you doin'?"
I like this soooooooo much. Great ish fo sure. It's great how Brian is the ladies man of the food items. It's also interesting to see that he goes after twinkies. They're a little large for snack cakes, although they are cream filled, which makes me think that they're rather felacious snack cakes. So maybe Brian is playing of their Ho-Hoish nature and trying to pimp up his game. Then he finds a twinkie that wants to come in and make funny twinks or twink bones? Whatever it is you get when you mix funny bones and twinkies. Cream filled candies or hard, fruity twinkies? Such a sad ending when the twinkie gets grabbed right as Brian and the twinkie are about to go to funky town. But Brian, being the pro-baller he is, hits on the granola bars right away. Great story, makes me hard, for twinkies ;)
ReplyDeleteI actually laughed out loud while reading this, it's hilarious! Just an average player... who happens to be a delicious snack. I love how fast Brian rebounds after his "twinkie-goddess" gets eaten. It helps shape his personality. Maybe if the twinkie had a little more dialogue, though, it would add a little more depth to the story. The description of the hand was also very visually accurate. It was easy to imagine it all playing out.
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