“Prince Michael of Metropolis will be wed too…Princess Audrey of Selah."
Prince Michael bowed slightly before Princess Audrey and she curtseyed and took his hand. Audrey had straight light brown hair that went just past her shoulders and green eyes that sparkled. Michael had chocolate brown hair and deep brown eyes. Audrey said nothing as Michael took her around the dance floor as his eyes looked into hers. He held her closely, but not too tightly. Her gold dress looked beautiful on her and flowed whenever Michael twirled her. He brought her close to him after a twirl and whispered, “You look beautiful,” into her ear.
She didn’t meet his eyes and he supposed she was trying not to show how flattered she was. “I know what you’re doing,” she said finally.
He kept dancing with her. “What is that?” he asked.
“You’re trying to get me to like you, but all you really want is my father’s kingdom.” Her voice was hard and accusatory.
How did she know that? Michael put on his most charming smile. “Quite the contrary; my father may have wanted your father’s kingdom, but all I want is for you to like me.” Audrey didn’t look like she believed him. He soon led her to their designated table and boldly clasped her hand in his. “I still remember the few times we met as if it were yesterday,” he said.
“Oh really?” she asked sarcastically. “Then tell me, Prince Michael, when was the last time you saw me?”
Prince Michael tried to be smooth. “I remember no date, only your beautiful face.”
She pulled her hand from his grasp and he felt angered but did not show it. “Admit that you want my kingdom.”
He took a deep breath. “If I did, I would be lying.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You are a liar.”
“I suggest you do not call me that,” he growled. “Have you forgotten your place?”
“I am your equal,” she hissed, outraged.
“In what world?” he asked.
“I am the heiress to the throne of Selah, and you are the heir to the throne of Metropolis. We are equals.”
“Excuse me, your highness,” he said with much sarcasm, “but the throne of Selah will be forfeited to me once we are wed; I am superior to you.”
“You admit it! You want my kingdom!” Audrey exclaimed. The people nearest them turned to look at them, but Audrey and Michael lowered their voices.
“Your kingdom would be nice, but I’d also love to teach you a lesson or two on how to behave to your superiors,” he said.
Audrey looked taken aback by his threat and made to stand up but he grabbed her arm. “Our fathers would just make you come back. We have to at least keep up appearances for the high-ranking people of our countries that are here tonight.” He was smug and Audrey glared at him but stayed seated. “The marriages are all arranged, and you will be wed to me.”
“My father won’t allow it.”
“Yes, he will.”
“What do you know about my father?” Audrey said angrily.
Michael smirked. “You will soon see.”
Ooooooohoohoooo!! That is all I can say. Well, actually, it's not, because I'm going to continue commenting on this. The way you wrote the dialogue did a very good job of showing how regal these characters are, even when their dialogue is casual. I can't help but feel very involved in this story. I would like to smack Michael myself! He's a jerkface, for lack of a better word. I'd love to read what Audrey will do next to save her kingdom!
ReplyDeleteVery nice job, you created a wonderful story with two 3 dimensional characters that worked into the plot as people and not words. I thought you did an incredible job with dialogue and emotion. It was as if I could have met the couple and they would have acted the same way. A few things to look back on; one, be careful not to use to many ands, it will ruin the flow of your story. Also the great part about writing about castles and medieval times is the atmosphere. I'm already entrapped by your characters, now it's time to also put me into the scene. Try telling about the massive hall, and the glorious throne; how everything shimmering as if made from gold. Just stuff like that, that make the reader wish to be there. Finally and this is more of a pet peeve, watch using normal "teen talk" in characters that aren't from the 21st century. "You're trying to make me like you." Is a rather childish thing to say. Try supplementing that with, "You're trying to make me fall in love with you." It's just something more impacting. But all in all, nice job I enjoyed it.
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