Hey guys!! Itssssssssssssss me, ANDREA!!! :) Here's a story i wrote...TODAY! How do I make the dog vs. Greene beane battle better??? THANKS 4 THE SUGGESTIONS IN ADVANCE! i totaaaally love you guys!!! :)
Mr. Green loved kittens; that's why he kept 237 of them in his basement. That number wasn't a constant, but it was constantly rising.
One day, Mr. Greene was playing with the kittens when he heard the enemy approaching. "Woof, woof," it snarled as it busted through the basement window. Mr. Green stood strong while the little kitties ran and meowed about the room.
One kitten stayed still and continued to nap. It was Oliver, the deaf kitten. Mr. Greene saw the dog spot Oliver and dived to protect him. He was too late. The wretched dog had Oliver between his jaws, and Oliver began to bleed. "My kitten is bleeding," he said, "No more Mr. Nice-Cat-Man." Mr. Greene pounced on the dog and pried open its jaws realeasing Oliver. He slapped the evil beast across the face, and it ran away whimpering. Then, Mr. Greene nursed the injured kitten with his own breat milk while the others licked him happily.
Fantastic. I cried, I laughed, I loved. This was an absolutely fantastic story of compassion and grace. I love the introduction about Mr. Greene's cats. My only remark would be to add why he loves kittens so much and how he gets all of them. Other than that, it was a very well detailed story. Most people would have forgotten to tell how the dog got in the basement. You did a great job writing this. As for improving the action, I have one suggestion. Weaponize, that, dog. The fight is too one sided for Mr. Greene. He should have some back story with the deaf cat, which would enrage him to the point of fighting the dog. Then make Mr. Greene have a Mexican stand-off with the dog and end up killing it. Overall I’d have to say kudos, madam. I love everything about this story. You're a great writer and you're going to be the best princess, EVER!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis story is great. I loved the whole thing. I think it should have more of a battle between Mr. Greene and the dog because that would have made it even funnier. I can totally picture everything happening in this story and it's really hilarious. The only thing you really need to fix is the spelling errors. Mr. Greene was spelled two different ways in the story, Green and Greene. You should pick one and stick with it. Also at the end, you forgot the s in breast milk. All in all, awesome story. Really funny.
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