Yo this is a poem I wrote for writing exercise 33. I'll probably use it for my next rap so let me know what I can do to make it better. Should I add more? Should i change the rhyming scheme?
I love to wear my dancing pants
They really compliment my boob implants
All the boys and girls drool
Because they think I'm really cool
I can always bust a move
And show everyone how to groove
Sometimes I get too excited, though
I really give the people a show
A bend over to the beat of the drum
And I soon feed a cool breeze on my bum
This is an okay poem, i think it can be better if you put your mind and heart into it more. I wasnt really interested in it all that much. but keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWow, baby, just wow. This. is. art. This must be about me because I am a good dancer (but I don't have boob implants =P). As far as your next rap, I think it will be totally perfect. Everyone will love it and you can seriously put some deep emotion into it. To answer your first question, you should without a doubt most definitely add more to this. Are you kidding me? This is flat out comic gold, alright. If you think that a cool breeze on your bum is the perfect ending for this beautiful arrangement of poetic verse, you should think again. I want vivid imagery explaining the rush of emotion you get when the cool wind hits your behind. I want to know everything about it. In response to question number 2, I am completely and utterly torn. Although simple, the AA, BB, CC, DD, EE rhyme scheme is super duper effective. It really gives it a cool and fun sing-song rhythm to it that brings me to the dance floor along with you. On the other hand, a more advanced rhyme scheme would add a whole new dimension of sophistication and grace. I would gasp at your exposed ass and smile as your dancing pant complimented your boob implants. Overall, an incredible poem. I laughed, I cried, and I fell in love with you all over again ;)
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