Racing through my bedroom trying to get all my clothes and school stuff together. Ethan honks the horn again. He hates waiting on people, absolutely no patience for anyone except himself. Every since ninth grade he’s been acting like he’s the best and that no one can touch him. That’s certainly not the case. He has weak spots, I know he does. Everyone has to have weak spots. So what’s his Achilles’ heel? One is most definitely his father.
Anyone that is even somewhat close to him knows how he is with his father. Then again who wouldn’t be? Ethan’s father gives him everything he wants. His father is the sheriff in our small town. He could probably get away with murder if he tried. Lucky bastard, I wouldn’t want to end up like that if my father was the sheriff. I’m happy I actually have common sense and a job. Ethan’s going to need both eventually.
I feel like there's a lot of potential for a good story here. Do I sense some foreshadowing with the getting away with murder part? I must admit, the title is what really got me to read this, but I found it entertaining to read anyway. If you plan to make this a longer story, which you should, then I think you're doing a great job laying down the foundation. It's easy to tell that the main character has some bitterness toward Ethan, and the ill-feelings are clearly shown when he starts thinking about what his weaknesses might be. One suggestion would just be to read through your work one more time, maybe out loud, because some of the sentences got a little stiff and repetitive and I found a couple of spelling mistakes. Otherwise, good luck with the story! I'd love to read the whole thing. :)
ReplyDeleteDamn Eathan right? I enjoyed sensing some possible jelousy from the main character towards Eathan and hearing about Ethan's father, but I do have some suggestions. Polish up the sentences a bit. Clean up the relationship Ethan has with his father and why he dislikes him. Also, throw in a bit more as to what was happening with the main character and Ethan, I was a bit confuesed. Other than that, great job. (:
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