IN THE CANYONS

Scene four: Ext. With Grant and Sergeant behind a rock
MUSIC A BASS GUITAR STRUMS A TUNE TO SIGNIFY NEW SCENE
SERGEANT Grant, what do you see?
GRANT Why can’t you look?
SERGEANT Because if there’s a sniper, it will kill you instead of me.
GRANT It’s a ceasefire, there’s no way they’ll snipe you or me.
SERGEANT Don’t be ridiculous, there isn’t a soul in the world who wouldn’t want us dead. Now quit stalling and get shot by the sniper.
GRANT UGH whatever. Hmm… nothing weird. Wait, where’s Matt?
SERGEANT Good job Grant; you just lost the only useful soldier I had.
GRANT They must have taken him up to their base
SERGEANT Why on earth would they capture Mathews? I already stole his wallet what else would they want? Unless they’re zombies after his delicious meat.
GRANT If they’re Zombies, then how could they shoot guns?
SERGEANT Oh my Jesus, they’ve learn how to operate machinery! Soon they will become so advanced that they will develop the ability to biologically fuse to machinery, making them into Robot zombies!
GRANT You’re kidding me right?
SERGEANT First they eat our brains then they rule the world! No wonder command sent us down here; this is by far my most important mission of my life!
GRANT Then why was I sent down here?
SERGEANT Command probably sent you so that you can get eaten by the zombies
SOUND: ROCK RUMBLING
SERGEANT Grant look out!
SOUND: BODIES HITTING GROUND FOLLOWED BY ROCKS FALLING
GRANT Sergeant, did you just save my life?
SERGEANT Of course I did nimrod
GRANT But why? You hate me. and hurt me constantley. physically and mentally
SERGEANT Because it would have ruined everything. Your death has to be slow, painful, humiliating and Hilarious all at the same time! Being crushed to death isn’t good enough. I imagine you dying by choking on a grape or flushing yourself down a toilet or even drowning just because it’s raining.
GRANT Um thanks, I guess.
SERGEANT And i do not hurt you mentally, that would require you to have a brain!