Under The World We Know Part 3

Part three to the story. I figure by the end of Publish or Perish I'll have a nice little book on my hands. My question this week is does the flash back fit well into the story and did I make the tasks the boys had to do seem realistic and guesome or not? If I did then yuppie, but if I didn't please invent other tasks I could have used.

Bion looked into the bottomless cavern and gulped down his fears. The terror of the dark and heights still stung his mind like a painful drill. His thoughts slowed, his reactions dimmed; he found it harder and harder to look down the gap without his eyes blurring. He needed to save his brother, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Slowly he pulled himself from the chasm when a quiet whisper emanated from below.

“Bion, I need you now, I know you’re scared, and I know you feel lost, but I need you. Think back to the things that brought you courage. Remember that time at the old tree behind the orphanage?”

“Yes I remember.”

“Think of that; go back and think of how you acted back then.” Even though Carson was whispering Bion could tell there was a pile of rocks on his chest. His voice was strained and his words came out rash. Bion somehow could feel the pain his brother was experiencing as if it was him on that ledge and not Carson.

The old tree behind the orphanage was one of the few fond memories Bion had during his early childhood. At that time both the orphanage and the mine were trying to foster hardy workers out of the two boys. In the mornings the boys were both woken up as soon as the sun rose and sent to bed late into the night, far beyond the time the sun had set. Their first activity started with tending the lawn of the orphanage. Both boys had to clip the acreage of grass with scissors because the orphanage didn’t own a lawn mower. They had two hours to finish and if they didn’t, the boys missed breakfast. Their next activity was washing all the floors in the facility. Which included sweeping mopping, and on one occasion Carson actually had to lick a spot on the floor clean. This was only supposed to take an hour; if it took any longer there was a variety of consequences. Next, came little jobs such as cleaning the windows, repairing objects that broke, and tending to the owners wants and needs. This lasted until lunch where the boys were fed what was left of the staff’s lunch. Or on some occasions something special that the cook made them. The cook was fond of the boys, even though her bosses were against her doing so. She had actually saved the boys’ life a few times, but that’s another story. After lunch the boys where sent to the back yard to be worked by the mining director. It started with basic mining training such as scaling large objects, grappling, and surviving under intense conditions. Those were warm ups and next the director worked the boys muscles until he became bored. This usually involved carrying large rocks across the lawn into a pile, then carrying them back afterward. Or lugging heavy mining equipment around to where ever he needed it. Or once they had to clean his truck. It sounds easy but was made more difficult by the fact that every time they cleaned a spot he would throw more dirt onto it. After their torture they had to travel into the woods behind the orphanage and collect firewood. This was where the boys took a quick rest and also where the incident happened.

It was late autumn, so the air was frigid and the boys were rubbing their hands to try and keep them warm. They had just celebrated Bion’s 8^th birthday. It wasn’t a real celebration, but Carson had sung quietly to him during the night before. The boys both had a pile of sticks in their arms, and were repetitively picking up more when Carson spotted something in the distance.

“Look Bion over there! It’s a river surrounding an island. I wonder what’s on that island; possibly mystic treasure, let’s go take a look.” Carson started running towards the water while Bion trailed, anxiously behind.

“Carson it might be dangerous, you don’t know how deep the river is.”

“I don’t need to know how deep the river is, look over there a tree fell and made a bridge. I bet we can cross it.” He ran up to the tree and tested its strength by stepping on it.

“Come on Carson, let’s just collect the fire wood and head back in. Something bad might happen.” Bion was pleading to his brother.

“Bion, great things come to people that take risks. Now look over there.” He pointed, “That’s the shimmering I was talking about; do you see it?” Bion nodded, “Good, now I can’t cross the tree, there are some branches at the end that I just can’t fit through, but you’re small, you should be able to squeeze right through.”

“But Carson, I midge drown.”

“I’ll be right behind you Bion, trust yourself, I believe in you.” Cason gave a pat on his brother’s back.

“Alright I’ll go.” Bion had been eying the glint since he had noticed it. He wanted to go; just his fear caused him to be still. But with his brother’s kind words he might just be able to do it. Slowly he crossed the tree, taking each step slowly and carefully as he went. Carson followed behind him and prodded him in the back when they came to the branches.

“Don’t worry Bion, you’ll be fine.” Carson gave another pat to his brother’s back. Bion stepped, crouched and crawled through the branches until he toppled over onto the island.

“Carson I made it! I made it!” Bion yelled with glee.

“See I told you, you could do it, now what do you see?”

“I see rocks, and trees, and oh.” Bion looked down at the object glinting in the sand. He reached down and delicately picked it up to examine. It was a slightly grungy necklace with a ruby hanging on the chain. Bion fell in love with it immediately and looked back at Carson.

“See, I told you, great things come to people who take risks.” Bion smiled and bathed himself in the slight self-accomplishment that he deserved. It was a great day.

Bion reached into his shirt and brought out the ruby necklace. He rubbed it nervously but found courage in the memory. And now looking into the dark, cavernous chasm, he felt that saving his brother was something not as impossible as before.