When I look into your eyes, they seem to change color, auburn to metallic gray,
The twinkle in your eyes is like looking up at the stars, bright but so far away from us
You feel so cold when I touch your creamy pale skin, are you OK?
When you touch me, I feel so comfortable, yet unsteady at the same time
I try to take my feelings of comfort and unsteadiness away while I look up at the moon.
Your kiss is like a cold hard stone being pushed against my lips, smooth and controlled
When you smile, I notice that your K-9 teeth look so long and sharp, enticed much?
Once you kissed my neck, you automatically bit it where my vain was, ouch....
I feel like I'm being drained of all my energy and losing the blood to my brain, please stop....
As you finish, I start to dose off into limbo, you leave me lying on the ground with blood stuck to my neck, yet still kind of running slowly, oh my god...
I never thought I could die from being with you....my love.....you're a vampire....I.....(died)
This is definitely interesting and the way it's written i can visualize what's happening. You could add more to the part where he's draining her blood but other than that it's good as is.
ReplyDeleteFinally. Someone realized how unrealistic it is for vampires to fall in love with their food. I love you. It was beautifully descriptive at the beginning and I felt myself being sucked into this passage. Then, it started to get mushy gushy, and I was losing interest until he bit her. I wondered if you were going to make her into a vampire, but I was so glad you killed her off because that way it was much more realistic. The (died) part could have been portrayed better I suppose, but I did like it.
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