His dark bland look dulls the room even more with every step he takes. His boots clack on the floor as he nears you, the kind of sound that makes the hair on your arms stand. His slow, stalking march leaves you with ample time to ponder all of the horrors that he will bring to you, and before you can even speak a word he has already accomplished what he set out to do.
this is a descriptive paragraph portraing Mr. Grene as a menace. did i paint a good picture?
how could i make it more obvious that hes a menace
This one is very well written, the descriptions are specific.
ReplyDeleteWhat would make this even better would be to maybe add
"Stomache churning"
"Shivers down the spine"
"Anger"
Ect?
And perhaps show whether this is just one person's opinion or is this the whole class' opinion?
Maybe it's all teachers? Ect.
This was written good. The descrptions of Mr. Greene are exact. You should add things that make him sound more of an angry person.
ReplyDelete