I was sitting in class with nothing to do as I sat down I started to write down a list of things in the classroom that included my five senses. As I look around I see a white board, the colors orange black, white and so forth. I hear many different thinks pencils moving, doors opening and closing, papers being crumpled, and of course my iPod in only my left ear. I only was able to smell a few things which included my juicy perfume and my NOS drink. Lastly, I decided to write down the textures I was feeling such as my very soft sweater along with my ruff key chain and my wet energy drink. So this is what I did on my "super exciting" day of school.
As I continued to sit in class with nothing to do I decided I wanted to brighten my day up a little bit so as I went along in first block I plugged myself in to my iPod and a few moments later I fell asleep and had this really realistic dream which led me to an alternate reality where everyone who had passed away had reincarnated into some type of animal everyone from my first block was there, there was cats, dogs, rabbits, elephants, lions, tigers, mice and so much more. I believe my purpose there was to figure out who was who and just as I starting to figure it out Mr. Greene slapped on the table and I awoke.
I really enjoyed this :). I liked the imagery and vivid you drew. It was understandable, interesting, and showed the person that you are. I thought it had character and depth. Overall, this was interesting to me and caught my eye. There were a couple things you could work out. Try to proofread and fix some spelling and grammar mistakes. It's a great descriptive paragraph but you need straighten out awkward phrasings and make it flow a bit more. The dream you described was cool. I like the idea that everyone in your class was a different animal. You seem like a person I would have a cool, deep, and interesting conversation with. Another quick point I would add is to not make too many runs and sequence the sentences as in steps of when things happen. Other than those minor adjustments, you're pretty solid. Keep writing nifty stuff :)
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