February 25, 2011

Life on the Outside (excerpt)

“I don’t want him to see you. Not like this, he deserves better than this. He deserves to have a father who cared more about him than completing the perfect crime with some old buds. Do you even remember him, Steve? What’s his favorite toy, or his favorite color, or what time he likes to take his bath at night?” Amber asked, but got no response.
“What do you want me to say, sugar pie? I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Steve said, after a minute or two of silence. Amber shrugged.
“You say that as if words are supposed to repair what you destroyed. You have no idea the pain you’ve caused our family. Mom can’t even talk about you. Aunt Karen comes over every day to make sure we’re still making it by. She’s tried to get mom to see a therapist but she refuses.”
“Maybe if she just came to visit, I could talk her into it. I’m sure I could talk her into seeing someone.”
“Steve, you really think she wants to see you? She’s ashamed of you! She had to quit her job because all of her co-workers read about your arrest in the paper. Do you know how many reporters waited outside the house for almost three weeks waiting to get a comment from the family? She couldn’t even leave to get us groceries without being harassed. She had to have Mr. and Mrs. Charles bring over food after the reporters had left for the day.”

Is the dialog realistic? Is it too over dramatic?

1 comment:

  1. I don't think it's too over dramatic. I think the dramatic-ness in it is just right. As far as the dialog, I think it fits perfectly and works fine!