February 25, 2011

Mr. Howard - By The Crimson Chin

I was sitting at my desk one morning at Interscope Records in Los Angeles, California. I was was a very important man in the music industry. I was a manager to some of the biggest artists Interscope Records had to offer, such as: Eminem, Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, The All American Rejects, M.I.A, and even New Kids On The Block. It was now 1:33 in the afternoon, three minutes after I usually took my lunch breaks.“Mr. Howard.” In walked a sexy secretary named Crystal. She was wearing a short skirt, with blond hair that stood up in a pony-tail.The only was a young broad like her would go for a man well into his fifties like me is for my money.“We’re taking orders for lunch today. Mark from the Cover Art department was thinking that sushi place two blocks over, do you want something from there?”“No thank you, Crystal. I think I’m all set with sushi today. I’m actually thinking of heading over to Pinks in North Hollywood.” I said back to her with the cutest smile on my face that I could, to make an attempt at flirting.“Pinks?” She chuckled. “That’s like a thirty-minute drive from here, Mr. Howard.”“Well,” I said getting up from my seat, putting my coat on to walk out the door, “it looks like I’ll be taking a long lunch today then.”

Do you think I have too much exposition? Is it too boring at the begining, with the introduction? How can I improve?

1 comment:

  1. How much is too much exposition, really? Well, this has quite a bit. Maybe you could incorporate it into dialogue or something? It just sounds a little matter-of-factly. As for the introduction, you've got to start with something, right? As long as the entire story doesn't go on like that, I'm sure you're fine.