February 25, 2011


Today Nina got up and watched the news on channel 9 and noticed that the news people were a little too young to do this type of job. She had noticed that people have been disappearing for some time now. Leaving no trace of what has happened to them or to their families. Nina was driving her “new car” that was a gift from her parents on her private family estate. You see, her “new car” was a gift to her from her parent, sometime before they were assassinated. Her families were the “top dogs” in the business of working in the government. She went to the table to see if Walter, the butler, was sitting in the old chair with a high back. He was in his chair but he was sitting nervously.

“Nina, this letter came for you in the mail. It’s a letter from your mother and father.”

“WHAT, they died almost three years ago!”

“I know, I’m sorry I read the letter to make sure that it was them and not a fake.”

“It’s ok Walter, may I read the letter?”

“You can… But you may not be able to read it.”

“Ok, but at least I can try.”

“That may work… but you have to find the key”

“The key? What type of key Walter?”

“The key is hidden some where in the house, but even I don’t know where it is.”

“Ok Walter I’m going to my room if you need me”

“Ok Nina”

Nina darted up the stairs to her room. She started her regular morning and noon routine.
To be continued…
Do you think the dialog is realistic? What do tou think I should improve on?

1 comment:

  1. I would think that Nina would be more mad, sad, and disoriented than seemingly angry. It would also seem like she would want to search the house top to bottom in order to find the key rather than ignore the situation. Although I do like how you included an interesting plot twist, add interest. Though maybe what you want to do is include more description in between what the people say.