February 25, 2011

Publish or Perish 2/25

The school bell rang. Instead of making her way to class like she normally would have, Abby walked out. She walked straight toward the back field of the school where she knew she’d find Kyle, Felicia, Heather, and of course; Levi. She stormed her way across the field, making eye contact with Levi. When she got close enough for him to hear her she shouted, “How did you know I’d be back?!”
After using cocaine, she felt like herself still; but better. She felt happier and more improved. She would’ve snorted even more if she wasn’t freaked out about over dosing. A day, or even, an hour without coke was depressing. She was hooked, already.
Over the next few weeks, Abigail skipped nearly all her classes. She avoided her old friends, to hang out with her new ones. She also skipped several cheerleading practices. When she finally did go, she was kicked off the team because her coach caught her using drugs in the locker room.
Abigail read the sign of the large brick building her mother was driving her to. It read, “Albany Drug Rehabilitation Center.” When she got inside, she sat alone in her new, dark room. She stared out the window and watched the rain. She thought about the way her life had changed. She wondered how the so called perfect life turned into the last thing she ever imagine she’d become. Yet somehow, she was finally at peace with herself.

Does it seem like I wrapped up the story too quickly? (mainly the part after the stars) If so, how would anyone suggest I fix the issue? What kind of details may I want to add?


  1. I think it was ended a little too soon. I would have liked to learn more about what exactly happened on her downward spiral. You might want to write about a specific instance your character went through during the "few weeks" she was skipping her classes. I think you could definitely benefit from adding more detail about her behavior during this time period as well.

  2. More detail into the cocaine addiction would help. It'd be nice if the reader could really put themselves in her position as an addict. Also, her "perfect" cheerleading life pops up and then goes without any elaboration, I don't know if thats done somewhere else in the story, but if not it should be added to bulk up the character's background. This topic has a lot of potential - I think you just need to dress it up a bit.