February 25, 2011

Greatest BMX rider in the country

When Jothan, a professional BMX racer had won first place at the State Finals he was ecstatic that he had finally won the one thing that he had forever desired. But then he started to think to himself “It’s only a State trophy, I have to be the best BMX’er in the entire country.” With that he drove straight to San Quentin, California where the National BMX Finals were being held. Entering himself in the contest illegally, he was going to show the entire nation what a great BMX rider he really was.
“Ha-ha I’ll show those fools who’s the best rider in this entire country!”
With that Jothan’s chance to show the country exactly what he could do. Doing outrageous tricks that many people have not heard of, Jothan easily got a score of 50 which was a perfect score. The only way that he could be beaten is if someone else does more elaborate tricks which Jothan made sure would be impossible.
“That trophy is as good as mine!” Jothan said with an evil sound in his voice.
Without any worries in his mind, Jothan decided to take a small nap to help him for his big award ceremony, but didn’t know what went on. While Jothan was asleep, a new rider did tricks that weren’t even from the country! Once Jothan finally heard the judges voice over the loudspeaker, he was all prepared to receive his award but was humiliated when he was only awarded the 2nd place trophy.
What are some details i could add? What are some i should take away?

1 comment:

  1. I would just add some more details on the tricks from out of the country. Also maybe some dialog on how humiliated the kid felt and how much of a sore loser he is. I don't think you should take any details away. I liked the story, good job!