Arta, a teenage girl, age 15 with side bangs to the right, yellow highlights and raven black hair, sunshine yellow eyes, and a tattoo of a star under her right eye. She is a high school junior; she skipped a few grades. The school she goes to is called Electrix Coast Academy. Arta loves to draw, write, sing, and horse back ride. She can use magic and control lightning. Her family consists of her mom Charlene (is half goddess), dad Garrett (a powerful mage), older sister Elaine (runs an art and design business), and older brother Kai. Their house is a palace; it consists of stables of horses, arena for riding, and many more things that anybody can imagine. The family owns a company called JangNa Corp. Artea is a planet that is a world of magic and art. Also where Arta lives and goes to school. She is very popular because of her band’s popularity. Arta’s band is called Star Riders; they sing pop and rock. Arta is talented with drawing and designing detailed picture of objects, cooking exquisite meals and using high tech gears. Arta is talented in drawing/designing because her sister inspired her. She usually wears a skirt (denim or fancy looking) with any shirt or blouse, a watch, choker (necklace), rings (2 on each hand), earrings, boots (ankle length or knee length), and a backpack or purse.
On a Wednesday afternoon, Arta was in her last class. She thought the class was long even though she’s been in there for about 35 minutes. 5 minutes later, the bell rang and Arta got up and headed to her dorm. Her dorm room had 2 beds; one was palette shaped and the other was piano shaped, one yellow and blue desks, and 2 closets. Her roommate was there, her name was Musa, she had dark blue hair (shoulder length) but with bangs covering her forehead, hazel brown eyes, and a birthmark of a music note on her arm. They are best friends and have been since preschool. Arta’s side of the room was artsy; full of art supplies and easels. Musa’s side was all music-like; full of music sheets and instruments. Arta’s other friends are Lacus and Stella who were roommates in the room next door to Arta and Musa’s. Stella is Arta’s cousin; she has blonde hair, light brown eyes, high school skinny, and a really good fashion sense. Her mother and Arta’s father are siblings. Lacus has been friends with Arta since they’ve meet at friendly gathering. Lacus has brown hair, light blue eyes, and wears a gold pin on her bangs. The next afternoon when all classes were over for the day, Arta and Musa headed out to meet Lacus and Stella at the smoothie shop. They were meeting there to discuss the band and other stuff. Arta says... To be continued...
Is this a good description for a beginning to story? Do I need to back down on description and put more action or dialog?
This was certainly a very descriptive introduction. It makes me want to know more about this magical, artistic world, but I would say that backing down on the description and adding more action and dialogue would be beneficial. It's a lot of information at once and may not draw in as many readers as you'd like. I'd suggest breaking it up a bit, but your story does seem interesting and full of potential.
ReplyDelete