This is something I did during a writing exercise in class. My main focus in this piece of writing was describing the surroundings and painting a picture in the reader's head. Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to finish this piece.
It was a beautiful day in mid-March. Jenny decided it was the perfect day to finally take her dog Sparky for a walk. Sparky was a bouncy Golden Retriever who loved finding new things. As Jenny and Sparky made their way down the familiar neighborhood street, Jenny noticed just how much crap washes up onto the sidewalks and stays hidden underneath the snow banks all winter long. There was litter of all kinds and this kind of thing disgusted her. At the corner, Jenny felt a strong tug on the leash as Sparky did a nosedive into one of the remaining snow banks. Struggling to pull the pup out of the bank, she slid backwards on some slush. Jenny was still trying to recover her balance at the same time that Sparky pulled a mysterious box out of the bank.
“Sparky! What have you got?!” Jenny wondered aloud as she took the box from his tightly clenched jaw. Cautiously peeking under the lid, Jenny discovered a key to an Audi. It flipped up and folded back into place to make itself more compact. At this, she was puzzled and began to wonder what a car key would be doing in a strange box in a random snow bank. She pocketed the key and began to search for the German sports car.
Jenny held the key out in her hand for Sparky to sniff the scent, and after just a few seconds, he was tugging further off the street and down a path in the woods. As she was pulled along Jenny couldn’t help but wonder what an Audi would be doing out in the woods. Finally, the two came to a clearing and sure enough, there was a 2010 red Audi A4 positioned there. Flipping the key up, Jenny pressed the unlock button and opened the door to let herself and Sparky inside. To her relief, the car was a 6-speed manual. With great excitement, Jenny pushed in the clutch and turned the key.
I like the story that you wrote. I really like that your main character found the car and I like that kind of car. The sentence “What have you got!?” sounds awkward. Maybe you could rewrite it to “What do you have?” which sounds less awkward. I can’t really picture Jenny so maybe you should include a description of her in the story. Is she tall or short? Thin or fat? Those kinds of descriptions can really help the readers picture the characters and make their reading more enjoyable. I don’t understand the end. Does Jenny already know how to drive the car or does she have to learn how to drive it? I do like your style of writing, it makes it interesting to read.
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