Snippet of Work

This is just a snippet from a book I wrote over the summer. I edit backwards so this is raw material. There are a few spots in here that I believe to sound a bit strange. Could you possibly make some suggestions as to what I can do about that? Thank you.

The fog filled the night as he leaned over the solid railing of a stone bridge that held just above a small creek while twirling a dagger in his hand. His rugged black hair seemed to lie against his forehead comfortably and faintly touched his eyes that were pools of deep blue. It wasn't the color of his eyes that seemed strange but it was how they appeared. Those eyes hidden underneath his hair, they seemed as if no soul lived behind them and his pale complexion magnified his lifeless appearance. In the dead of the night hidden underneath his black trench coat that struck him just at the knee, it was hard to see what the man truly looked like. From his sturdy hands, it was easy to assume that he was stronger than he may appear even though his calm vacant expression would allure people to think otherwise. While he stood hunched over the solid railing of the bridge, it was still able to be told that he was of average height and weight.

This man sighed and stuck the dagger into his inner trench coat pocket before turning around. Another man stood there, hidden by the fog, with a gun drawn ready to fire. Through the blanket of fog, this second man seemed to be of similar build but an aura of high intellect surrounded him. His hands shook the gun slightly and his dark blue baseball cap hid his face from discovery. “So you finally decided to show up, eh Jordan?”