A short story i have started for a writing assignment.
is there anything that could make this better? ---
The music in the fun house turned from happy music into daunting sounds of horror. The rides turned from fun excitement to pure fear. The gruesome sharp jagged yellow green toothed grins of the clowns would send chills through any ones spine. how this all changed so quickly came to me as a surprise just one bite of the toxic batch of ice cream and you too would become one of these mindless killing freaks. luckily for me I'm lactose intolerant and couldn't have eaten any. unfourtonatly for my best friend Angela she had enjoyed the killer treat and was now heading toward me snarling and foaming at the mouth longing for my brains. how could i kill my best friend even if she is a mindless freak out to get me. i just decide my best bet was to run. i stopped in the middle of the swirling Tilt- A -Whorl ride dodging the fast moving blue rust covered carts from killing me. i try to catch my breath and i see Angela running straight for the ride. i cant run and the wind from the moving ride is throwing off my balance. I'm stuck. right when I'm almost positive that I'm doomed she takes a wrong step and with a loud THUD the ride had taken out my best friend that i will miss greatly Even tho she did try to eat my brains.
A bit too much detail about the clowns' grins. No capital letters on the first letter of each sentence. Unfortunately is spelt wrong. I love the whole friend snarling toward you thing. Made me laugh. I love how the ride takes out Angela. It is sad about her trying to eat your brains though. I also like how you made the switch between happy and scary.
ReplyDelete