I would like to know if you can picture it and if maybe I should add more detials to the sentences.
She smiles slowly and looks down at the waiting crowd. She looks to her left and eyes the spiral railing, coated in while lillies and roses. She turns her head to the right, her dads arm linked with hers. She lifts her white dress and decends the stpes one stair at a time.
Everything seems to be moving in slow motion. The crowd rises as she reaches her last steps; her eyes scan the crowd looking for the most important person in this sea of people. Straight ahead she spys the man at the alter. He lifts his head and a huge grin spreads across his face, she smiles back. She reaches the end of the the ile; her dad squeezes her hand one last time before letting go and kissing her cheek. She joins hands with the man waiting at the alter and as her smile grows a small tear streams down her cheek. "We are gathered here today...''
Personally I would add a bit more detail into this. The surrounding area is vaguely described and there is no detail for the characters whatsoever. More detail would be nice.
ReplyDeleteI could vaguely picture the area that you were talking about but I couldn‘t picture the characters. I would recommend that you add some more details about what it the area of the wedding was like and maybe a little description of the characters. Is this just a short piece of writing or is this an excerpt from something else that you wrote? You also used “she” a lot to start the sentences. I think you should start the sentences with variation so readers will not get bored with your writing. I really like the emotion that the woman in the writing has. You can really tell that she is excited and happy to get married and I really like that. Other than those little criticisms I did enjoy the writing and I think that you should continue this in a full length story if you haven‘t done so yet.
ReplyDelete