This is a small section of my radioplay. I would like advice if there's any way to improve this and make it better. Also I would like to know if Marcus sounds crazy enough.
19. MARCUS: No need. Look down there. You can see it limping towards us.
20. JACK: Dear god………is it missing flesh?
21. MARCUS: I knew it! I told you yesterday that one day we would wake up and see the horrors of people these days! This dog is just the beginning!
22. JACK: Now hold on just a minute. Get that crazy idea out of your head and let’s try to figure out what happened to this dog. Looks like a victim of a negligent owner.
23. MARCUS: More like someone tried to make a meal out of him! We’re next! I bet that’s why they’re hiding. So they can plot then ambush us! We’re next I tell you!
24. JACK: Now you’re talking crazy. I highly doubt they would eat a dog or us.
25: MARCUS: Yes they would! I’ve heard weird tales on late night TV! People’s dogs going missing and then turning up dead the next day. And we both know cannibals exist.
26. JACK: I think you’re crazy. Gone completely bonkers.
27. MARCUS: Sure. I’m crazy. Uh huh. We’ll see whose crazy when they try to eat us.
28. JACK: Let’s just go check out another street before I slap you silly for your crazy ideas.
Scene Four: Ext. Two Streets Over- Cont.
29. MARCUS: See! I told you! They’re waiting to ambush us!
30. JACK: And I’m telling you you’re wrong. No one is trying to eat that dog or us. Geez….
31. MARCUS: Then explain why no one is outside or even indoors.
32. JACK: I would if I could. I would if I could.
33. MARCUS: Then how can you prove me wrong if you can’t explain the disappearance of these people?
I liked this going thing where the two characters go on back and forth. One is trying to be rational while the other is being irrational. I think if you made it even more dramatic it could be even better.
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