Wow it's cold
I need food
Warn food at
That it's so
Cold with no
Hot water,
Running sink
That's hot? Ah.
As I put
My shoes on
To go to
My friends go
To the mall
While I shower
My smelly
Ass, in there
Shower while
They go out
And have fun
I'm putting
Soap on my
Pits trying to
Smell like
A human again
Cause god damn it
It's horrible
As I get out
His mom
Offers me
Some hot hot
Soup that smells
Delicious
I really want
To go hard
On this soup
But I go
Soft on
This soup that
I might say
Is so yum
Can't believe
I'm actually
Eating this
Soup over an
And Over
Again they come
Home we get
Power we all
Chill again
Yo piggy, this ish is kind of whack. There really isn't any point to this poem and it isn't funny either. Maybe you could try making it a little more exciting. It doesn't even sound good. Maybe you could try doing something better next time. Oh wait, there is no next time. Nice try. Stick to MB homie
ReplyDeleteHello, Joshua. I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but are you illiterate? WOW. Although, I understand poetry can come in many forms, rhythms, and styles, but, that being said, this is not art. This is horse shit to say the least. To me, this has absolutely no emotion involved at all. This is an embarrassment to all people who have ever wroten poetry including six year olds. I really wish you could have just explained your sorrows in a more sentimental way. I wish you described the "yum" soup in a more professional and descriptive manner. It would have really added more sparkle and shine. Please, for all the serious writers on this blog, take this more seriously and really expand on your vocabulary and expression of emotion. I also think you should have established more of a theme with this poem. All I understand from it is that you hang out with "friends" and you smelled like a rotten piece of shit. If you spent more time setting the scene, this would have seemed better.
ReplyDeletep.s. 148/37 = 4.....you must not be good at math either........
This poem is impossible to critique, because you don't pose any directed questions for the reader. Fail boat.
ReplyDelete