December 16, 2011

Demon's Demise

This is a part of my story that I wrote for Nanowrimo. I'm looking for advice on how I can make this even more creepy. Also what do you think about it?

“I never want to look at another mirror again as long as I live,” she muttered before going about the rest of her day without much hindrance. When nightfall came and she was under the covers of her bed she looked out her window and almost screamed at what she saw. Right outside her window stood a bloody, mangled corpse that looked like Caldonian. She quickly got out of bed and said, “I-I killed you. You can’t do anything to me. You’re not even real anymore. I’m just having a nightmare is all, yeah it’s just a nightmare.”
The thing gave a crooked smile as some of its teeth fell out and landed on her windowsill as it climbed in after opening the window. Vera quickly grabbed her sword from its usual place by her bed and she trembled as she looked at him with it raised in front of her. It opened its mouth and managed to say, “Vera…..”
She cringed as she swung and sliced it in half at the waist. She screamed and chopped it into pieces until all that lay at her feet was a bloody mess of flesh. Her breathing quickened as she slowly backed out of her room and locked it shut behind her. With a tormented expression on her face she sat on the couch. She stared at her bloody hands and whispered, “At least he can’t get me now….he’s dead for good. He won’t come after me anymore. She sat there repeating those words to herself as she refused to fall asleep that night. She rocked herself back and forth on the couch while the moonlight peered in and covered her.

1 comment:

  1. Scarlett, I always love reading your creepy murder stories.
    To make it creepier, describe the feeling Vera got when Caldonian tried to get through the window, and also describe the bits of flesh that might be dangling and how his eyes look through the window.

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