December 23, 2011

eeehhhhhh .....

sweet and sexy
joking, playing, laughing.
makes me feel like his only girl.
love him !

1 comment:

  1. Hey "kayleeej!" Happy holidays to you and your family. So, let's get serious about this cinquain. Okay, so you chose to make this about a boyfriend. That could be cool I guess. I mean it's something people can relate to, especially if they have a boyfriend. The like "joking, playing, laughing" is really descriptive of something people would do with the perfect boyfriend. I feel that the last line is a little bit of a throw away. In my personal opinion, "Love him" is not exactly a synonym for boyfriend. This poem may be greatly altered in a positive manner if you chose to say something like "fuck buddy" or "lover" or something like that. Keep in mind that diction really affects a story. Choose all your words carefully to make sure you're putting the right message forward. Overall, this is a really good start kayleeej! I think you're a natural poet.